Origins

On Wednesday I'm going to see Wendy and we're going to have "The Talk". The only thing I can see the need for The Talk is closure. We both know what's going to happen (we're breaking up) and that no matter what she or I say, it's not going to change the inevitable. She'll have a lot of things to get off her chest as will I.

I figured nows a good time for me to reflect on what I think is bothering me about the relationship and why we ended up as we did.

Before Wendy, I never dated anyone. The closest I got to was this Psycho Girl at University. I met Psycho Girl just after she broke up with her boyfriend of three years. I had never been liked by anyone (who admitted it) before her, and I ended up falling for her quickly not realizing I was totally being used as a rebound guy. We dated for 2 weeks and had tons of drama that lasted almost a full year. Even after the fact, I kept obsessing about her for months and months. I don't know why acted so stupid but I did.

After the Psycho Girl debacle, I met a lot of girls but never really dated.

Then last February I met Wendy through an online dating service.

We kept hanging out and getting to know each other and then by the fourth date we added kissing to the mix.

I was really shy at the beginning. She helped me though because she seemed really into me. Once i drove her home and i was so nervous she told me to come to her for a kiss. It was so awesome to have someone want me bad.

After a couple of months, I got more comfortable with her but her gung ho attitude diminished.

We got into a habit of talking on the phone before bed every night. That was a good thing. However I noticed by the later months I'd be so excited to spend the day with her (sometimes I''d have to wait several days until I'd see her for whatever reason) and then when we'd finally see each other, I'd feel disappointed. This was mostly due to the fact that we would hardly talk or I felt like I did all the talking. Now that I think about it, most of the time that she sounded excited to talk to me was when she would talk to me about her friends (one got engaged and one pregnant).

I'm not only blaming Wendy for the above. I'm sure my shyness at the beginning probably turned her off after a while and when I got used to being with it, it was too late and she had already started to lose interest. If that is true, then she should have mentioned something way earlier. But then again, me figuring that out should have a been a sign for me to say something.

Besides the lack of communication in person, the other big thing that was killing the relationship was the lack of intimacy. Before Wendy, I was a virgin.

I'm still a virgin.

Don't worry, we tried a few times, but each time something would happen and we just would be able to go all the way. The first couple of times made sense but after that it started to just sound like a bunch of excuses.

Again, at first I blame myself for I was really shy, but once I started to break my shell I felt like every time we would get together I wanted to have sex and no matter what I tried, I could never get her to want to.

In the later months, we spent more time just watching movies and her falling asleep than even making out.

Truly something is wrong and I have some idea as to why but it will be very interesting to her her thoughts on the matter.

Lets see how off I am from things when I talk to her on Wednesday.