What's this?

I realized that I've been so busy with work and the comedy troupe that I've gotten really lazy in terms of online dating. In the past I would spend some time browsing through the typical sites and e-mail people and hope to get a response.

Lately though, all I've been checking is Craiglist because it's so easy. Just go on, see a new ad, and if it's worth it send an e-mail. No searching through profiles and checking out pictures info etc.

However, I thought I would have this evening free to chill and browse a little. It never happened because I ended up seeing The Wrestler with Ira (great movie - when did Marisa Tomei get so hot?).

So, 5 minutes before going to bed (it's past my bedtime now!) I check my e-mail and see that I received a message from someone on plentyoffish.com.

This is very interesting since she initiated it.

Quick look at her profile and I see that:
- She's 33
- Her picture is cute
- She likes to explore the city
- Likes watching cartoons (big plus for me)
- Hosts a radio show on comic books
- Is into all kinds of music books and movies

And the coolest thing of all is what she wrote in the message. I have a picture of me wearing a spiderman t-shirt and she wrote: "lemme be the black cat to your spiderman, you may be surprised."

I replied with hopefully a not too rambling-type message.

Let the waiting game begin.

Elwood's Dating Stories 7 - The Masquerade Ball

Back in 2007 (a year before I met Wendy) a friend of mine was organizing a masked ball at the University I used to go to (she was still going there at the time). A bunch of my friends were going (most of them also alumni). I was curious to see what it would be like to be at a college party, dressed up fancy and wearing masks and being 3 to 5 years older than most people.

A week before the party, I went to a mask making night at a bar to do just that, make my mask. I took a silver mask, the generic Green Lantern style mask and painted gold flames around the eyes. I also added black feather that made me look kind of like a reverse Don King:


And now my full outfit:


I love dressing up nice (I'll do anything to wear a tie) and I also like dressing up for costume parties so this event was perfect for me. Also, it was a good year from dressing up since on the previous Halloween, I got to make out with someone at a party, so I went in with a "I'm going to have fun no matter what" attitude.

The party was in a huge room in one of the university buildings. There was all you can drink beer so that was good. I ended up chatting with a few people i know and some random. I met a coupe of chicks who were pretty cool.

One point in the night I went to the bathroom and while I was at the urinal, my friend Down Under (he's from Australia) walks in and goes to the urinal next to me. After a few minutes of awkward silence he says to me "So... how's your penis?". We both start cracking up.

I can't remember when in the night or how (or even why), but I ended up chatting with someone i met through someone else I barely knew. Like everyone else, she was wearing a mask and was a bit on the chubby side, but that didn't stop me from making out with her for what felt like ages.

I remember just going at it for a really long time. Then she left to go to the bathroom or something. I recall seeing her chatting with other guys but I stayed out of the way. Then she came back and we continued where we left off.

Things were going well until I got this crazy idea in my head to dip her while she was in my arms. This failed completely and I dropped her onto the floor. This was followed by me falling on her.

She got up easily, while I just lay there like a fool, laughing hysterically. Her friend (the one i knew a little) was drunkenly yelling at me to get up and get back to the girl.

All my friends saw that I was getting some attention that night. They all knew I was single and were really having a blast making fun of me and cheering me on.

Eventually I had to go to the bathroom again. Low and behold, Down Under walks in, starts taking a piss and says "So... how's your penis now?!"

As the night winded down, and the make out session ended, I got nervous about what would happen next. I quickly discovered she was going to run off with her friend or roomate or rwhoever was with her, so I asked her for her phone number. She declined giving me her digits but said I could have her e-mail instead.

We could find a pen or paper but instead a large permanent marker. She decided to write her e-mail address on my arm. Now when I say arm, I mean my whole arm. The e-mail address was super long. It was her full name @the university address so it basically went from my wrist to my shoulder.

The next day I was with my mom, wearing a sweater to cover up the mess on my arm. My mom is old fashioned and I knew she'd comment on seeing black marker on my arm at the age of 26. All was good until she asked me what time it was and she caught the last couple of letters peaking out under my watch.

Needless to say after the whole crazy night of drinking, making out, dropping people and penis talk, I e-mailed her but nothing ever came of it. Basically I asked her out for coffee or beer sometime and she pretty much replied something like : "Unfortunately I'm busy then".

Wow.

So I ask her out in a very vague manner (i.e. not actually setting a date) yet whenever in time we could potentially meet, she'll still be busy.

Such is my life...

Life is good (apperently)

Lately I've been stressed with work and getting sick all the time and just been really busy and stuff. My brother Ira confronted me the other day and gave me contact info for his life coach. He knows I'm looking to change jobs and said talking to the LC could help me. He's been using her for a while now and wanted to help me out.

So I wrote LC an quick e-mail about me, how things are going at work and that I've been single for a while. She wrote back and we agreed to talk this evening. She charges for her calls but the first one is free and each session is 1 hour.

At 8pm, I gave LC a call. She was expecting me and had a really sweet voice.

She wanted me to tell her about myself even though I mentioned most it in the e-mail. I basically just ranted about work and how I feel and how i'm looking to find a new job and my thoughts of how to proceed with looking.

Basicaly after 30 minutes, she told me I don't need her. I sound super outgoing smart and awesome on the phone, she said, and I seem to have my goals straight. I just need to get off my ass and she told me hiring her to talk on the phone won't help me get off my butt so I don't need her.

Well what do you know? If I could only get such a positive response with all the girls I talk to on the phone! Too bad she's married and has kids...

Elwood's Dating Stories 5 - Suprise Kareoke

I keep getting comments about how awesome and funny my blog it.

Thanks.

However, I realized recently I haven't posted in a long time any funny stories that have happened to me. It has been tough because I don't go out as much as I used to in University and I haven't really gone on any dates in a while. Hence, the lack of funny stories.

In any case I decided to scramble through my memory and post a few past stories I still have up my sleeve. Originally I was trying to do it in chronological order but I can't be bothered anymore, so now it's on a first remembered basis.

Enjoy.

--

One of the most bizarre nights I had with Wendy had to of been back in the summer of 2007 (yikes! it's been that long ago?!).

It was a nice summer day and we decided to check out the annual Jazz festival that was going on downtown. I don't know how I convinced her but I managed to get Wendy to let me park my car by a metro and take the metro downtown instead of driving all the way.

Wendy was weird in that way. She never would want to go anywhere without a car. Either I had to borrow my dads car and pick her up or she'd pick me up in her car but we'd never just meet downtown and have fun. That's why it was rare we ever went out and got drunk together.

Well, anyways, we were downtown with no car having a good time. I remember this well because it was the first time we held hands... This was in July and we started dating in February. Yes, it took me 5 months to muster up the courage to hold her hand. But hey, it's not like she took the initiative either!

Earlier that day my friend Slymm called me to ask what I was up to and told me that him and another friend would be downtown going to a bar to meet up with even more people. So, after checking out the free concerts for a while, we decided to go to that bar and meet up with the other folks.

This was the first time Slymm and my other friend met Wendy and when Wendy went to the bathroom, they both told me how impressed and happy they were that I was dating Wendy.

I couldn't drink that much because I was driving but the booze started flowing and everyone was getting ripped (damn you Wendy for always needing a car! Learn how to take the bus!) and the coolest thing happened - Wendy challenged Slymm to a drinking contest and blew him under the table. This was a hilarious thing to watch because she is 5'0" and 90 pounds.

It started getting late and we had to leave to catch the metro to get to my car so I could drive her home.

We get to the metro and all is good until Wendy complains she has to go to the bathroom and can't hold it in any longer. Now the metro ride from downtown to the car was at least 25 - 30 minutes and we still had ways to go until the car.

I asked her to wait but she said she couldn't and I was getting worried because it was late and I wasn't sure if we left the metro we'd be able to get back on another car. I wasn't sure if we were on the last car or if the was another one after this.

Quick thinking, I realized we were coming up to a spot where I knew there was a bar 5 minutes from the station. Thankfully I was introduced to this bar the week before or I never would have known about it.

We get off at the right stop, exit the station and run to the bar. This bar was a really tiny Irish bar that had just opened and really didn't have any clientele.

Inside there was only one table with about 6 people, the owner at the bar and someone singing karaoke.

Great.

So much for being inconspicuous about going in only to use the bathroom. So while Wendy was in the toilet I had to stand there pretending like I was ready to order a drink. Then, one of the people at the table noticed me twiddling my thumbs and started yelling at me to pick a song and go sing something.

So I ended up being told to sing Macho Man by the Village People. not one looking for trouble, I complied and next I know it I'm on stage singing my heart out.

Meanwhile, Wendy is in the bathroom doing her business and all of a sudden hears a familiar voice singing and is like "Wtf? is that... Elwood?" (she told me her reaction afterwards).

She came out while I was still singing.

I finished my song, got a bunch of woos and cheers from the one table in the bar, grabbed Wendy and we bolted back to the metro.

Thankfully we made it in time and caught the last metro.

I can't remember if the next thing actually happened the same night but lets pretend it did because it only adds to the story:

I drive her back home to her part of the city and pull up to her house. In the car we started making out hardcore until she ends up breaking the cup holder in the middle of my dad's car with her ass! She twisted to jump on me and in doing so cause the cup holder to make a snap sound.

We then said our goodbyes (i.e. more making out) and she went inside.

Definitely one of the more exciting moments I had in that relationship (there weren't that many).

Date #7 - Older Chick

About 4 weeks ago, before I got sick, I realized that I every time I had a show to perform on a Friday or Saturday night, by the time the show would end (about 12am), the night would be pretty much over. However, I'd also be in the heart of My City's bar scene. The comedy club is sandwiched in between 2 bars and is on a street over from the main bar street.

So I decided for that one Friday night, to put up an ad on Craigslist looking for someone to go out for a beer or coffee after my show. I didn't mention anything about the fact I was in a show (I thought I'd save that card for later) but simply said I would be in the area attending something and would be free after 11:30pm-12am.

No one replied to it and i ended up just coming home after the show as always.

The next day, however, I get a response from someone saying that they only saw the ad now and was wondering if I was free that night. Unfortunately I wasn't but after exchanging e-mails, pictures and me scoping her out on facebook (just to be safe), we arranged to go for a beer the following Tuesday. It was also after we agreed on a day and time that I realized she is 5 years older than me, hence Older Chick.

That date never happened because I got sick that week. I cancelled on her and she was cool about it. She even told me that recently she started a group through craigslist where random people she met online come over to her apartment and jam. Knowing that I play guitar she really wanted me to come to the next jam session.

I thought that was cool because even if she's not my type perhaps I'll get to meet new people through her. We also arranged to go out that weekend.

Saturday came around and I was healthy and feeling good. We had arranged to go to a bar that makes their own beer. Older Chick particularly likes that place because it has alcoholic cider.

I was at a friend's place for supper and was running late because I had to pretty much travel across downtown to get to the bar. I called Older Chick to let her know and she insisted i stay where I was and she came and picked me up!

That was pretty cool.

We then drove back to the other side of downtown to the bar. Inside we grabbed a table and chatted for about an hour.

She seems pretty cool but I could tel right away I'm not really into her. i think the fact she's older and that she smokes really turned me off but I still had fun talking to her none the less.

She looked good and healthy and told me she had recently lost 50 pounds! What an accomplishment.

After about an hour and half she got really tired and wanted to call it a night. That was fine by me. I was getting tired too and also had plans to go meet my brother Ira at a party.

So I'm still on the search but hey, I'm getting practice!

--

As a side note, around the time I was getting e-mails from Older Chick, I found an ad on craigslist in the women seeking men section about someone looking for an "Adventurous, Smart, Funny, etc." guy.

I decided to respond to the ad and made a list of all the characteristics she was looking for with an explanation of how I am those things.

Sure enough a couple of days later I get an e-mail from her saying that she thinks i"m interesting and funny and told me a bit about herself.

She's a film producer from My City, she likes a bunch of the same stuff I do and she got out of a long term relationship so she's not looking for anything complicated, but if I was still interested she wouldn't mind meeting up.

I replied to her e-mail and then nothing. Hadn't heard from her. So I just shrugged it off.

4 weeks later I get an e-mail from her saying she's in the Yukon for 2 weeks visiting a friend but has not forgotten about me and would like to go for a beer or coffee when she gets back.

So, a girl I have never met, was thinking about me in the Yukon.

Cool.

Let's see what happens with this...

UGH!

So I apologize I haven't blogged much lately and I left you hanging since the last post. The reason being I think work is slowly killing me.

Two weeks ago I was sick for almost 7 days straight with fever, coughing up stuff and the inability to sleep. After spending 4 of those days almost completely inside I finally got better and was fine at work.

The whole next week I took it easy and hardly worked after hours.

Then, this past week was the week from hell. I ended up working until 7-7:30pm almost every night except one. I also would take short lunches and would be so exhausted once I got home (I also had 2 comedy shows during the week) that I ended up just buying lunch almost every day. Plus on top of it all I got sick again!

I'm not as sick as last time but I've had this tightness in my throat since wednesday that feels like i have a lump in my throat. Ive been coughing up yellow stuff and my mouth tastes like I've been eating ass for supper.

Being saturday I woke up with the plan to go to a clinic and get it looked at but it didn't feel as bad as it did the past couple of days. I hate this feeling because if I felt shitty, it's easy, go to a doctor, but if I feel better then why wait 5 hours in a clinic waiting room. So even though I woke up early this morning to beat the rush at the clinic I decided not to go.

Cut to 2 hours later (now) and I'm not sure if I do feel better or not.

I think I may have a throat infection but it's a matter of knowing if I'll need medication or if it wil go away on its own.

At least my mom is coming by today to go for breakfast. She convinced me to skip the clinic ("I don't trust those places!") and wait until monday. If it's still bothering me, my dad will drive me to my GP. However, I got so much work on monday, it's really gong to fuck things up.

UGH!

I just want to be stress free and go on dates!

Loneliness sucks

I'm finally feeling better.

I was sick with fever for a week and i had a weird cough but no pain. I was also quite tired and my head hurt. After staying home for 4 days (2 days off work plus the weekend), I finallyu felt better Sunday night and went to work Monday.

During that time I felt extremely lonely. I think things were building up to that.
It all started after New Years. First, RM2 had a guy friend visiting her and they were doing everything together. For an entire week. There was nothing romantic going on with them and they weren't fooling around or anything but they were hangin gout a lot and he even slept in her bed.

Thats what started my feeling lonely. Then it got worse when RM1's boyfriend kept coming over and doing nice things to RM1 (like cook dinner).

Then I got sick and no one was around and my parents didn't really come to check on me. Although one day my mom came with chicken soup to make me feel better but in the end just stressed me out instead because she wa just telling me about all these problems she had on her mind. In the end, I just got really stressed and didn't really make me feel any better.

So by the end of the week I really needed some family time and ended up staying with my parents for 2 nights.

It felt good.

I got a home cooked meal, got to see my brother Ira and my other brother Jason's wife and my nephew (Jason couldn't make it).

After the 2 nights there, I fot a lift home and at night I got ready for the date I had planned in advance.

She's a bit older then me, hence the name Older Chick.

The details of the date will follow...