Vacation is over

It's Sunday and I go back to work tomorrow. I had a pretty relaxing, productive and fun vacation. My goals while off work were:
1. Get the ball rolling on finding a new job
2. Make a poster for a festival a friend of mine is organizing
3. Make a 1 minute movie for a film festival I entered
4. Relax
5. Hang out with friends visiting from Australia

To a certain extent, I managed to do all of the above.

Normally, a whole week off to have fun would have been the best way to take advantage and try to meet more new people, be it online or at a party or social gathering, etc. However, since I've been hanging out with Rock Chick, I've decided to stop browsing sites. I'm really confused if it's the smart thing to do but I was talking to Ira last night and he summed it up for me. He asked me: "are you not pursuing other people at the moment because you want to see what happens with Rock Chick and it makes you uncomfortable starting new things while trying to get to know her better?"

The answer is yes.

I spent 2 nights this week with her. Thursday night we were supposed to get together but she forgot she already made plans to watch a movie with a friend. However, she still wanted to see me so she came over and we ate a quick dinner that my roommate had made (she offered us leftover pizza she cooked) and then I walked her all the way to the movie theatre on the other end of town. it was about a 45 minute walk and the weather was absolutely beautiful.

Friday night I had invited her to an interesting party I found out about (a 90's video dance party) but she already had plans with someone else (a female friend), so I went solo. It was an awesome party and filled with hot girls. I'm not sure what I would have done had the opportunity arose, but I was flirting with a few of them, having fun, you know.

Last night I called her up again to see if she's like to get together since really we hadn't done much. Friday she was busy and Thursday all I did was walk her to her other plans. So I called her and she said she wanted to get out of her place. I suggested we walk down to the Old Docks. it's pretty much a wharf near water that is nice to walk around at night.

We arrived there just in time to catch the end of some fireworks. We walked along the docks and then headed to a fancy coffee shop I know of that has an amazing outside garden area to eat dessert, drink coffee and listen to live jazz. After dessert we caught a busker doing a show that lasted about 30 minutes and then we headed to the subway to call it a night.

I had fun with her and I find our conversations are pretty engaging. We have a few inside jokes now and she'll joke around with me and stuff which is great, but I still can't get this feeling that something is missing.

The only reason why I haven't moved on yet is I can't tell if this "feeling of something missing" is justified or not because I also feel I may be expecting too much too fast. The only other person I dated multiple times like this was Wendy and with her by the 3rd date we made out. With Rock Chick, it's now become a habit that we have a quick kiss at the end of our dates. I know that it doesn't have to be a scheduled thing like that, and if the mood is right, we can kiss or do other things during the actual date, not just wait until the end, but I haven't yet felt that that opportunity has arrived. I will touch her arm a bit or put my arm around her briefly while walking but it doesn't lead anywhere. On Thursday I tried holding her hand (after having reason to touch her had, we were joking around and I thought it would be a nice way to lead into hand holding) and she jokingly threw my hand away.

The way our dates on Thursday and Saturday ended were quite different. On Thursday, when I walked her to her destination, when we got there, there was this long awkward goodbye. I wanted to kiss her but was also afraid of making it a habit so I almost didn't. But then I thought now that I have made it a habit she may wonder why I didn't' kiss her this time. I know, it sounds silly, but that's what happened and then finally I went in for the quick kiss, said goodbye and left. I can't help it. It's just she stares right into my eyes each time when we say our goodbyes and it makes me feel like she's expecting me to make a move. But then when I do, it's so quick.

On Saturday night, our goodbye was a bit different. This time when we said goodbye, she leaned in and made a joke kissing motion and noise, like she was telling me "it's OK to kiss me now" which was great but again I cant' tell if it's because she really wants me to or because now it's a habit thing we've started.

Wow.

I feel as I keep typing this post, I'm getting more and more confused.

In the end, I know I am having fun with her, I just don't know if I'd be having more fun with someone else. I found out that in a couple of weeks she's going away for 2 weeks to visit her parents back home. So, I decided I'll give it a bit more time and see what happens. I'm definitely in no rush. If by then I feel that it's going nowhere, then it'll be a great opportunity to end things since she'll be gone for a while.

In the meantime lets see what happens.