Is there soemthing I"m not seeing?

I don't mean to keep coming back to this subject but it seems everyone won't leave me alone about it.

Tonight my mom blatantly said at the dinner table something along the lines of "You should start dating girls again" or something like that. Also, yesterday, my brother Ira was giving me a speech how Wendy is not treating me well by having us be in Limbo.

Things aren't 100% black and white but I am enjoying what I'm doing right now. It's not exactly where I want to be but I feel like we may be getting somewhere.

I went out with Wendy on Tuesday. I had to go into town to pick something I left at a friend's place and I gave Wendy a call asking if she'd like to come since her house is on the way (sort of).

We headed into town, got my stuff and then went to a book store where I bought an excellent book (The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-Time by Mark Haddon . Go buy it now!). We then went for coffee and chatted.


I've been pretty tired all week (hence the lack of posting) and I wasn't any better at coffee. Then I did something I didn't expect to do:
Wendy was telling me a story and for some strange reason I just got mesmerized in her eyes. I stopped paying any attention to her words and just dove in her eyes and started splashing around.

Then I broke out of it and was like "Yeah, that sounded like fun". To which she replied "Fun? Are you listening? We never ended up going there!"

I was totally embarrassed and just kept apologizing. I guess i could have told her the truth but was afraid I'd come on too strong and weird her out.

See thats whats tough about this situation. We're not technically dating so I"m afraid to say certain things or do certain things.

On the other hand I've been thinking lately and wonder if I"d truly enjoy it if I saw her as often as I did before.

Before we'd hang out every weekend and maybe once or twice more in the week. We'd spend days doing something together and some evenings we'd just crash on the couch and watch tv and cuddle.

Now we get together once or twice a week and talk on the phone every second day.

It's funny, but seeing her a little less is actually helping. Now when we talk we actually have things to talk about because it's been a couple of days since we last spoke. Also, we've been hanging out with other people so we actually have stories to tall about things we did, whereas before we did everything together.

However, whats shitty about this situation is I miss being with her. I miss falling asleep in her arms. I miss having her come over for dinner. I miss hanging out with her and her friends (not that I really miss her friends, it just felt good to be accepted in her circle of friends).

I realized if I really want to make that push to bring things close to how they were before, I can at least try, but something is holding me back.

I don't think I really want to go to back to how things were. I'm afraid of her coming over all the time and just sleeping, and me only wanting to have sex and not do anything about it except feel awkward. I'm afraid all we'll do is watch movies.

I know now is the best time to try to bring us to a new and different place than we were in before, but I'm not sure what that place is and how to get there.

And besides all this, as I mentioned above, it seems I'm the only one (and hopefully Wendy) who thinks we are going some place. Most people think I'm either being jerked around or wasting my time.

I'll find out soon enough.