Considerable thinking

So as the post title states, I've been thinking a lot.

I dated Wendy for ten months. From the beginning things were exciting. Here was a beautiful girl who actually was interested in getting to know me!

We started going out on a few dates and talking on the phone. This eventually led to talking on the phone everyday. She'd come out to some parties and events I was involved with and vice versa. We'd hang out with my friends. We'd hang out with her friends.

We talk about everything. We had inside jokes. We'd always kid about giving each other medals for stupid things. We'd play thumb wars all the time. She taught me about punch buggies and constantly punched me when we saw a Beetle or a yellow car.

After a 5 month we started holding hands. I'd kiss her goodnight every time our time together was over.

We celebrated each others birthdays. I got her a nice gift on hers but I had just met her. By my birthday she knew me well enough to buy me something that I really appreciated.

We'd watch movies and snuggle. We'd hold each other in our arms and fall asleep. She'd stay over some times and we'd share my tiny bed.

There were some times we'd have a chance to get intimate. At times it was awkward but so exciting and interesting and new!

We even spent a weekend away. Just the two of us.

These are all things I remember and cherish.

Then we stopped growing and it dragged on until we broke up.

The break up was really wishy washy. The night of was probably the most connected, intimate night I ever had with her. Emotions were flying.

Now everything feels empty.

We broke up but are still "sort of" seeing each other and I have to admit it really sucks.

I don't know whats going on. I've told Wendy my intentions and unintentionally pushed her to give me an answer on if we're dating or not. She says she's still confused.

We went on a few dates. The dates were fun and we made out after each of them, but something just feels off. A little voice in the back of my head keeps ruining the evening but saying "whats going on? You need ot find out whats going on or you're going to get hurt.

We're now talking onthe phone every second day instead of everyday.

I used to see her at least 3 times a week. Now I haven't seen her in over a week.

She's been spending more time with friends than me.

I've decided that it's coming to the point where i need to make a decision. At first I kind of liked where we were at because I thought it might lead somewhere but now I'm not so sure.

I invited her to a weekend getaway with friends this weekend and I'm pretty sure now she's not going to come. She told me last night how she wanted to go to Toronto this weekend but because she's going next weekend, she decided not too. It sounded like she didn't even consider the possibility of if she went that meant she couldn't' come to my thing. To me that means she never had any intention on coming. On top of that she still hasn't told me she won't come. I know that I'm going to have to ask her for an answer or else I won't get one. I'd be really surprised if she brings it up to tell em she decided not to come for whatever reason.

Then next weekend she's going to Toronto. That is also the same weekend I have a really big comedy show I"m doing with my friends. It's thinks like that that inteh past she would have made an effort to come to or if she really couldn't come (in this case, even if we were still dating she would go to Toronto to see her pregnant instead) she'd at least make it up to me.

Not now.

it's starting ot feel like the magic is slowly fading away.

I still like her but the longer we keep this up the harder I think it'll be for me to keep my feelings high.

I feel like me being a priority to her is starting to drop down her list.

So, I figure I can call her tomorrow night and ask her to go out and try to make something out of it and still try to build things for the small possibility of maybe getting back together.

Or, I could leave it in her hands. See if she calls me to go out. Otherwise, I won't see her this weekend or next weekend and who knows if we'll go out in the week. If that's the case it'll be 3 weeks not seeing her. Then I'll evaluate how she acts around me.

If she sounds like she's missing me, than I say she has some interest in trying to get things going again. If not, then I'm going ot tell her we're not getting anywhere and just let it fizzle.

So now the question is do I call or not?

(If you read this whole post good for you! I'm sorry it's so long! Don't worry I have other things i want to talk about besides Wendy. Keep your eyes open in the next few days!)