On Wednesday, I fly out to Chicago.
I'm really excited because:
a) I've never been there before
b) The festival that I'm attending is going to be great
c) I'm going to get to see a friend who moved there
d) It is where Blues Brother, my favorite movie of all time, was filmed
In essence to not keep my hopes up I'm trying not to think about the trip but I feel like there's nothing going on here right now in my life that is as excited to look forward to.
I go through strange periods. Sometimes, I can't wait to go to work and work. Sometimes, while at work I can't wait to leave because I have something planned, like a party or a trip or something. When I dated Wendy, I would end up thinking about her a lot and wonder what we could do together next (and after a while just thinking about having sex, which never happened). When we broke up I still thought about her a lot (sometimes i still do). If I met a new girl I"m interested in, I'll think of her.
A month ago, work was so crazy it was go in, work like nuts, go home and sleep. And you know what? I liked it that way. Now, work has slowed down a bit, but I still have deadlines, just lots of time, so things feel so much slower.
I also have noticed that lately I feel so blasé. i just have no drive. Once I come back from Chicago I don't know what to look forward to. And I keep thinking if I had a girlfriend it would be different, but would it? I know I'd be more busy and have time to spend with someone but I don't know if it would fill in the emptiness I've been feeling lately. Should it?
Anyways, I've also been a bit down lately because by sheer bad luck, on of my teeth decided to start hurting so I need to rush to the dentist tomorrow so it can be looked at before I leave.
I'm not expecting anything, but I will be meeting a lot of people, going to tons of parties and I have my own hotel room to myself.
The possibilities are endless.
I'll post when I get back!
2 comments:
dude, there's always something to be excited about. even if it's lunch.
~b
Elwood, this is just an observation however you seem to really get down about the small stuff.
"Oh, I'm sick and can't do anything or meet anyone. My luck sucks."
"My tooth hurts and I have to go to the dentist. My luck sucks."
"I have to actually work hard when I go to work. My luck sucks."
EVERYONE has the exact same issues, but we don't get down about them. It's life. Shit happens. It's not a spectacular event that you have a tooth ache.
Are you parents still living? Yes. Did you crash your car and kill someone? No.
Start looking at some of the good stuff going on in your life - you did just go to one of the coolest cities in the states and you talked more about your damn tooth. You attract people with the vibe you give off. If you're always dwelling on the negative (i miss wendy. when am i not going to be alone) you're sure to find it. You need to start giving off the right kind of vibes to people.
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