Confession

Work has been crazy and I've so busy and tired, hence the lack of blog posts. Also, nothing really exciting has been happening in my life lately. I'm still in Limbo with Wendy and on Sunday I felt at my most awkward state since we entered "the Devoid".

We spent last Sunday at the City's Gardens. There was an exhibit on butterflies. Not to look at dead ones, but they let loose about a hundred live ones so you can watch them in all their glory. I had decided to ask her if she wanted to go but surprised her about the butterfly thing.

She was happy.

I was surprised she even agreed to go. I'm not if she would have agreed to do that while we were dating. It's funny but the image i have of her when we dated is that she was always tired. It's not a very good image, but it's true. Now that I see her less often, she seems more awake when I do see her.

I feel like everyone has been telling giving me advice to end the situation I'm in. My parents, my brother, my friends, and even that tiny voice in the back of my head.

I guess it's true what they say, that in order to believe something you have to admit to doing that something.

I've been thinking a lot and I truly don't see how getting back together with Wendy is going to necessarily make me feel better. I know that I'd just worry more because if we get back together again, then it will have to be something serious. If we're going to get back together to just break up then whats the point.

I feel this tiny tug telling me to start meeting other people. Not necessarily to date but just to get out there and make new friends and meet interesting people.

I think I'm at that point to tell Wendy that I can't move forward with her anymore.

The big problem with me (and I guess her) is that I'm in a very comfortable situation. I enjoy talking on the phone with her and hanging out and it makes me feel good. So part of me doesn't want to loose the comfort.

I now know that (I think) I'm ready to end this but i"m not sure how. Part of me wants to remain friends with her but the other part of me doesn't trust that part. I don't want to have tiny thoughts in my head that things will work out if i"m trying to move on. Also, I know from experience that I'd have a hard time begin friends with her knowing that she's dating someone else, and even worse, even telling me about it.

I keep telling myself "I'll tell her after (this)" or "I have a big day at work, maybe another day" or "I really feel like talking to her now so I don't want to bring it up".

I have to admit that I guess i"m just prolonging the inevitable.

There, I admitted it! Now everyone leave me alone!

Naw, don't leave me alone, I love the attention.

So maybe in the not so distant future, this blog may get a lot more interesting...