The response

Upon returning from breakfast this morning, I noticed an e-mail from Wendy in my inbox:

Hey,

I'm really sorry it has been such a stressful week for you, and even more sorry that I somehow contributed into making it that way. I've wanted to call you but thought maybe it was a good idea to see what happened if I didn't, which resulted in us not speaking for 5 days. On my way home last night I said to myself I was gonna call today because I missed you and wanted to see you.

I also don't like the situation we put ourselves in here. Part of me thinks it may have been a mistake to try and fix things for the past 2 months because it didn't get us anywhere..Having said that, don't think for a second that I didn't enjoy every minute I spent with you (even the ones you were getting us lost).

Please don't feel bad about wanting me to make a decision, you wanted to know what I wanted and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm very sorry about not being able to tell you. I think if we really wanted to get back together we wouldn't have waiting this long and we would have figured it out by now. That's not to say we haven't tried in the last 2 months because I think we did..but the fact that I still had doubts (I don't know if you did or not) I think says something. It doesn't say anything bad about either one of us, just maybe that we're not meant to be.

You have never done anything to warrant me hating you, and this certainly doesn't qualify as a reason. You have been nothing but supportive and kind and you have always treated me with respect. You still mean a lot to me as well, and will for a long time. I would love nothing more than for us to be friends. It would hurt me a lot if that wasn't able to happen.

I get that you need some time to yourself, but know that I am here when you're ready.

I miss you already..

Wendy

I have to say I find it really eerie how we're always on the same wave length. Here I was thinking this past week that I would wait and see what happened if I didn't call her for a few days, and then I find out she had the exact same thoughts!

It's funny how we both feel so real and attached when discussing this subject but our actual relationship seemed to lack that and didn't always feel right.

I'm glad she gave me a response. It makes me feel a lot better and i"m happy to hear she's going to respect my request to be alone for a while.

It's done

It's 4am and I'm exhausted. I just sent Wendy an e-mail. I know what you're thinking, that it was really lame and chicken to send it by e-mail but I gave it a lot of thought and it made most sense to me.

I hadn't spoken to Wendy in 5 days. For me to just call her out of the blue just to tell her I don't want to talk to her anymore (for a while at least), made no sense to me. plus, I felt this way I could express myself properly and not leave anything out.

I'm not sure if I made the best decision or if I wrote a good e-mail but I did this and it's over with. I know it'll take me a while until i can move on but it's something I'm going to have to deal with.

In the end I think it's better to do this than just let it drag on because i"m scarred or inconvenienced to end things properly.

I included my e-mail below:

Hey,
It's 3:00am and I can't sleep. I didn't want to do this by e-mail but I feel it's the only way I can express all my thoughts properly.

This whole past week has been stressful. I've been working very late hours everyday, not sleeping very well and letting my mind waver all over the place.
In turn, I've been thinking real long and hard about us.

I kind of mentioned it before but I have to tell the whole truth - I hate this situation we're in. I hate that we're in limbo. When we broke up, this is what I wanted to avoid but let it happen anyways. When we broke up, I gave it a lot of thought, I really did, and decided that we may have broken up too soon and could have given it another shot. I called you back right away and tried to "fix" things. I thought we could work things out slow and then get back together.

It's been two months and nothing has changed. You still seem unsure about things. I feel horrible that at first I was almost pushing you to make a decision and now after a lot of thinking have come up with my own decision. I realized recently that I've been trying so hard to fix things that I never gave it a lot of thought of how things would be if we did get back together. The few times i did, I got scared and only thought of the things I disliked when we were a couple. I have a lot of feelings for you still and I really enjoyed being with you for those 10 months but near the end we both knew something was wrong. I'm afraid I might want to get back together for all the wrong reasons and that would make things even worse.

As hard as it is for me to say this, I decided I need to be alone for a while. I'm not saying I never want to see you again. I truly would want nothing more than for us to be friends. I know that you have remained close friends with multiple guys you've dated in the past, but for a while I'm going to need some distance.

You were my first girlfriend and you still mean a lot to me. I experienced many things I haven't before with anyone else and am glad I got to experience them with you.

I hope you won't hate me for this and all the back and forth nonsense I put you through these past couple of months, and that somewhere down the road we can stay in touch.

Elwood