This afternoon I was hanging out with my brother Ira and this girl he's been dating for a bit. After hanging out for a while we all had to leave and take the metro together. I was going to my parents place for dinner, and Ira's date had to go home. The whole way home, I started to feel pretty depressed.
I saw them together and they looked happy (even though Ira told me he was going to dump her tonight) and I felt very left out. On top of that I looked around and saw everyone enjoying the Summer outside and going off to hangout somewhere and enjoy the sun. People with guitars, and Frisbees and friends. Meanwhile I was headed to the suburbs to hang out with my parents on Fathers Day.
No one forced me to go and I was excited to go when I was asked earlier in the day, but I was starting to regret my decision. I finally moved away from the grasp of my parents and had all th efreedom int he world to do as i pleased but instead i put myself in a situation where I felt tied down again. It really sucked.
I started feelign better when we got out of the metro and it started to rain hard.
Showing posts with label Worry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Worry. Show all posts
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
My nerves will be the death of me
As dull as my weekend has been, it was quite nice and relaxing.
It's currently passover and I spent the whole weekend helping my folks around the house.
both Saturday and Sunday nights were the sedars (big meals), so I didn't get to go out at all this weekend.
One thing I was looking forward to was calling Psych.
She had asked me to call her this weekend since she'd be done her exams by then. So, this afternoon, I gave her a call.
No answer and her machine was full.
Just before supper time I remembered to try her again. I was going to wait until after supper but then decided I was just making excuses and bit the bullet and just called her.
She picked up and sounded confused at first until I told her who I was. She was with her friends enjoying the weather outside. I was jealous because I would have rather been downtown having fun then stuck at home for family dinner but soon enough I'll be on my own and have all the freedom in the world.
Anyways, back to the phone call, we had very short chit chat and then agreed to meet on Tuesday after work for coffee. I tried playing it cool on the phone but got as we were saying goodbye that she really wanted to get off the phone. She was with her friends so I guess that was why, but no matter what the reason, for no particular reason at all I just felt stupid.
I don't know why, but I get that way sometimes. Even when I was first dating Wendy, I remember I was talking to my real good buddy Spider Dude on the phone while lying on my floor freaking out from being so nervous around her. After I while I got really comfortable with her and the nervousness went away, but it's the fact that it stated after she already showed interest in me that bothered me most.
In any case, I know I have nothing to worry about now, because Psych obviously seems interested (to meet for coffee at least) because we already agreed on a time, otherwise she would have made some excuse.
I guess it may be the fact that I met Wendy almost the exact same way and am just adding extra pressure for no reason.
I've been feeling ansy the rest of the night. I know everything will be ok but it's like Dallas Green (of Alexisonfire and City and Color) sings: "My nerves will be the death of me!"
I promise to write how things go on Tuesday!
It's currently passover and I spent the whole weekend helping my folks around the house.
both Saturday and Sunday nights were the sedars (big meals), so I didn't get to go out at all this weekend.
One thing I was looking forward to was calling Psych.
She had asked me to call her this weekend since she'd be done her exams by then. So, this afternoon, I gave her a call.
No answer and her machine was full.
Just before supper time I remembered to try her again. I was going to wait until after supper but then decided I was just making excuses and bit the bullet and just called her.
She picked up and sounded confused at first until I told her who I was. She was with her friends enjoying the weather outside. I was jealous because I would have rather been downtown having fun then stuck at home for family dinner but soon enough I'll be on my own and have all the freedom in the world.
Anyways, back to the phone call, we had very short chit chat and then agreed to meet on Tuesday after work for coffee. I tried playing it cool on the phone but got as we were saying goodbye that she really wanted to get off the phone. She was with her friends so I guess that was why, but no matter what the reason, for no particular reason at all I just felt stupid.
I don't know why, but I get that way sometimes. Even when I was first dating Wendy, I remember I was talking to my real good buddy Spider Dude on the phone while lying on my floor freaking out from being so nervous around her. After I while I got really comfortable with her and the nervousness went away, but it's the fact that it stated after she already showed interest in me that bothered me most.
In any case, I know I have nothing to worry about now, because Psych obviously seems interested (to meet for coffee at least) because we already agreed on a time, otherwise she would have made some excuse.
I guess it may be the fact that I met Wendy almost the exact same way and am just adding extra pressure for no reason.
I've been feeling ansy the rest of the night. I know everything will be ok but it's like Dallas Green (of Alexisonfire and City and Color) sings: "My nerves will be the death of me!"
I promise to write how things go on Tuesday!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
What a hellish week
This week has been pretty insane. Before I begin ranting I just want you to know that I'm fine and I am still in good spirits. All in all, my week wasn't THAT bad. I wasn't suicidally depressed or anything, it's just when you put it all together, one can only say"Man! What a horrible week!".
Well where do I begin?
First off I've been really tired a lot lately. Work has become very busy lately. It's unavoidable, but we've been doing EVERYTHING last minute and all the extra hours and skipping lunches didn't help much.
As mentioned earlier this week, I was feeling a bit down over the whole Wendy thing. I have no intention of getting back together with her or have initiated anything silly (like changing my mind and going to her party tonight). I think it's just totally normal to reflect on the past when you were with someone and in turn feel a little lonely. My friend Maynard told me that it took him 6 months to get over a girl once.
On Monday it took me an extra hour to get to work. I waited and waited for my bus that never came. It got so cold waiting outside I decided to take the subway which takes a lot longer but didn't care.
Tuesday sucked because I was approached by my boss that he needed something due the next day that previously took me several days to complete. I knew that the first time it took me longer than it should have so I was confident I could finish in time.
I did finish it in time but I needed to bring it home and worked on it until 11pm so I was pretty exhausted.
Wednesday was probably the only pretty good day off my week. I went to floor hockey and although I felt tired, my team mates said I played really well. Alas, I missed scoring like 30 times! (I'm not that good a player but improved a lot since starting this year).
After Wednesday came Thursday (it usually does, I think...). The Squeamish beware:
I woke up Thursday morning and felt exhausted. I don't know why but I was (maybe from work?).
I arrived to work like every other day at around 8am. I settled in and ate a couple of pieces of cheese with an OJ juice box (thisis my breakfast) .
At 8:40am I began working. I needed desperately to change some labels on some samples so they could be mailed properly to a customer. I printed out the new labels and began to cut them out.
At 8:50am, I was daydreaming (I can't remember what, part of me thinks it may have been Wendy but I think I was just out in space about anything) and accidently sliced off the tip of my middle finger.
I immediately calmy gt of my seat, walked to the first person I saw (which happened to be my bosses Partner and his Sales Rep) and interrupted their conversation saying "I cut myself badly and don't know what to do..."
Turns out Sales Rep cut off a whole finger 5 years ago so she knew how to take care of me.
She took my finger and cleaned it up. I finally looked and noticed that I chopped off a tiny piece of my finger. She told me I went through "The 3 layers of skin and can see a little meat" but assured I was fine. She told me to put pressure o nit until the bleeding stopped, which will be 10 minutes.
Forty minutes later, it was still bleeding. By then my boss showed up. He was really concerned and put in a cab to the hospital.
I got there at 10am and around 10:30 I saw the nurse. She gave me clean piece of gauze (which turned red quickly) and sent me to the waiting room.
I was pretty pissed I couldn't read my book (Douglas Coupland's Girl In A Coma) because I needed to use my good hand to put pressure on the bad one.
I waited about 5 hours until I saw a doctor.
Inside, I met the residence doctor who didn't seem to know what to do. She took of my bandage and blood started to dripped all over the place.
She left and returned with the doctor and a high school student who is on observation of how it is to be a doctor.
The doctor was a really great guy. A young guy, sounded competent and really funny. He proceeds to remove my bandage and then we hear a noise.
The doctor asked what happened and the resident said she saw the student trip. The doctor approaches the student and 10 seconds later he faints!
Twenty minutes later the doctor is back.
He froze my finger, made a mock turnicate with a rubber glove and cauterized the wound with silver nitrate.
6 hours after arriving, I left th e hospital with a nice big bandage on my finger.
Friday was not that much better.
I didn't cut any fingers, but I had a deadline for the end of the day. My finger hurt and then halfway through the day my glasses spontaneously broke! The lens fell out and there was a piece of metal that was no longer attached together.
That didn't make my day any easier. I had to put scotch tape on the lens and it gave me a tiny headache.
Well at least today is Saturday.
Tonight is Wendy's party. I'm not going. I'm hoping to find something to do to keep my mind off of it.
Well where do I begin?
First off I've been really tired a lot lately. Work has become very busy lately. It's unavoidable, but we've been doing EVERYTHING last minute and all the extra hours and skipping lunches didn't help much.
As mentioned earlier this week, I was feeling a bit down over the whole Wendy thing. I have no intention of getting back together with her or have initiated anything silly (like changing my mind and going to her party tonight). I think it's just totally normal to reflect on the past when you were with someone and in turn feel a little lonely. My friend Maynard told me that it took him 6 months to get over a girl once.
On Monday it took me an extra hour to get to work. I waited and waited for my bus that never came. It got so cold waiting outside I decided to take the subway which takes a lot longer but didn't care.
Tuesday sucked because I was approached by my boss that he needed something due the next day that previously took me several days to complete. I knew that the first time it took me longer than it should have so I was confident I could finish in time.
I did finish it in time but I needed to bring it home and worked on it until 11pm so I was pretty exhausted.
Wednesday was probably the only pretty good day off my week. I went to floor hockey and although I felt tired, my team mates said I played really well. Alas, I missed scoring like 30 times! (I'm not that good a player but improved a lot since starting this year).
After Wednesday came Thursday (it usually does, I think...). The Squeamish beware:
I woke up Thursday morning and felt exhausted. I don't know why but I was (maybe from work?).
I arrived to work like every other day at around 8am. I settled in and ate a couple of pieces of cheese with an OJ juice box (thisis my breakfast) .
At 8:40am I began working. I needed desperately to change some labels on some samples so they could be mailed properly to a customer. I printed out the new labels and began to cut them out.
At 8:50am, I was daydreaming (I can't remember what, part of me thinks it may have been Wendy but I think I was just out in space about anything) and accidently sliced off the tip of my middle finger.
I immediately calmy gt of my seat, walked to the first person I saw (which happened to be my bosses Partner and his Sales Rep) and interrupted their conversation saying "I cut myself badly and don't know what to do..."
Turns out Sales Rep cut off a whole finger 5 years ago so she knew how to take care of me.
She took my finger and cleaned it up. I finally looked and noticed that I chopped off a tiny piece of my finger. She told me I went through "The 3 layers of skin and can see a little meat" but assured I was fine. She told me to put pressure o nit until the bleeding stopped, which will be 10 minutes.
Forty minutes later, it was still bleeding. By then my boss showed up. He was really concerned and put in a cab to the hospital.
I got there at 10am and around 10:30 I saw the nurse. She gave me clean piece of gauze (which turned red quickly) and sent me to the waiting room.
I was pretty pissed I couldn't read my book (Douglas Coupland's Girl In A Coma) because I needed to use my good hand to put pressure on the bad one.
I waited about 5 hours until I saw a doctor.
Inside, I met the residence doctor who didn't seem to know what to do. She took of my bandage and blood started to dripped all over the place.
She left and returned with the doctor and a high school student who is on observation of how it is to be a doctor.
The doctor was a really great guy. A young guy, sounded competent and really funny. He proceeds to remove my bandage and then we hear a noise.
The doctor asked what happened and the resident said she saw the student trip. The doctor approaches the student and 10 seconds later he faints!
Twenty minutes later the doctor is back.
He froze my finger, made a mock turnicate with a rubber glove and cauterized the wound with silver nitrate.
6 hours after arriving, I left th e hospital with a nice big bandage on my finger.
Friday was not that much better.
I didn't cut any fingers, but I had a deadline for the end of the day. My finger hurt and then halfway through the day my glasses spontaneously broke! The lens fell out and there was a piece of metal that was no longer attached together.
That didn't make my day any easier. I had to put scotch tape on the lens and it gave me a tiny headache.
Well at least today is Saturday.
Tonight is Wendy's party. I'm not going. I'm hoping to find something to do to keep my mind off of it.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Shitty Week
This week sucks.
Work has been stressful.
I'm tried and unmotivated.
I keep thinking of Wendy...
A more productive (and possibly happier post) to come whenI got more free time.
Work has been stressful.
I'm tried and unmotivated.
I keep thinking of Wendy...
A more productive (and possibly happier post) to come whenI got more free time.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Stressed to impress
This week has been very stressful at work and it's only going to get worse. I have a big deadline for tomorrow night.
On the bright side it's been keeping my mind off of Wendy. Well actually even though we're not officially back together we've sort of been dating again.
Last night I went out for coffee and dessert with her. For the first time ever, we just talked for hours. Wendy couldn't believe how late it was.
Wendy invited me to see a Lifehouse concert. I was crossed with what to do:
pro: I really want to spend time with Wendy
con: I really hate Lifehouse
At first I agreed to go because she could have asked anyone and she told me she knows people who would love to go see them with her, but she asked me. She didn't have to and to me that shows she really likes my company.
I told her although I don't particular like Lifehouse, I'd make an effort to get into their music. So, I went onto their website and heard of few songs. After 10 minutes I decided I just can't go. I can't be bothered paying 25$ to watch a band surrounded by screaming females. I saw Bon Jovi with Wendy 2 months ago and that was bad enough (don't get me wrong, I like some Bon Jovi songs but man, being in an auditorium to watch them surrounded by screaming ladies was brutal).
To make it up to her, I invited Wendy to a concert that I want to go to for a band she knows nothing about. I even lent her a CD to help her decide.
So show of hands - is it better to go to a show you know you'll hate but be around someone you enjoy being with or bail and hang out with them some other time?
On the bright side it's been keeping my mind off of Wendy. Well actually even though we're not officially back together we've sort of been dating again.
Last night I went out for coffee and dessert with her. For the first time ever, we just talked for hours. Wendy couldn't believe how late it was.
Wendy invited me to see a Lifehouse concert. I was crossed with what to do:
pro: I really want to spend time with Wendy
con: I really hate Lifehouse
At first I agreed to go because she could have asked anyone and she told me she knows people who would love to go see them with her, but she asked me. She didn't have to and to me that shows she really likes my company.
I told her although I don't particular like Lifehouse, I'd make an effort to get into their music. So, I went onto their website and heard of few songs. After 10 minutes I decided I just can't go. I can't be bothered paying 25$ to watch a band surrounded by screaming females. I saw Bon Jovi with Wendy 2 months ago and that was bad enough (don't get me wrong, I like some Bon Jovi songs but man, being in an auditorium to watch them surrounded by screaming ladies was brutal).
To make it up to her, I invited Wendy to a concert that I want to go to for a band she knows nothing about. I even lent her a CD to help her decide.
So show of hands - is it better to go to a show you know you'll hate but be around someone you enjoy being with or bail and hang out with them some other time?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Kiss kiss?
Right before bed I noticed I had missed a text message from Wendy. It said:
"Did u come back to the car to see if I was OK or cuz you wanted to kiss me?"
(this is in reference to the end of last night)
I didn't feel like writing a whole story about how I missed her text (sent at 10pm and I only saw it at 11:30pm), so I simply wrote:
"I wanted to kiss you"
I never got a reply. She was probably asleep or if not content enough with that answer (I hope!).
One thing I'm promising myself is that next time we see each other, I'm going for a kiss, no waiting to be asked. Thats exactly how things were at the beginning and eventually she started ot lose interest in my physically. Now that I'm gaining her attention again I definitely don't want a repeat.
Look out world, Elwood's lips are on the loose!
"Did u come back to the car to see if I was OK or cuz you wanted to kiss me?"
(this is in reference to the end of last night)
I didn't feel like writing a whole story about how I missed her text (sent at 10pm and I only saw it at 11:30pm), so I simply wrote:
"I wanted to kiss you"
I never got a reply. She was probably asleep or if not content enough with that answer (I hope!).
One thing I'm promising myself is that next time we see each other, I'm going for a kiss, no waiting to be asked. Thats exactly how things were at the beginning and eventually she started ot lose interest in my physically. Now that I'm gaining her attention again I definitely don't want a repeat.
Look out world, Elwood's lips are on the loose!
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