What a hellish week

This week has been pretty insane. Before I begin ranting I just want you to know that I'm fine and I am still in good spirits. All in all, my week wasn't THAT bad. I wasn't suicidally depressed or anything, it's just when you put it all together, one can only say"Man! What a horrible week!".

Well where do I begin?

First off I've been really tired a lot lately. Work has become very busy lately. It's unavoidable, but we've been doing EVERYTHING last minute and all the extra hours and skipping lunches didn't help much.

As mentioned earlier this week, I was feeling a bit down over the whole Wendy thing. I have no intention of getting back together with her or have initiated anything silly (like changing my mind and going to her party tonight). I think it's just totally normal to reflect on the past when you were with someone and in turn feel a little lonely. My friend Maynard told me that it took him 6 months to get over a girl once.

On Monday it took me an extra hour to get to work. I waited and waited for my bus that never came. It got so cold waiting outside I decided to take the subway which takes a lot longer but didn't care.

Tuesday sucked because I was approached by my boss that he needed something due the next day that previously took me several days to complete. I knew that the first time it took me longer than it should have so I was confident I could finish in time.

I did finish it in time but I needed to bring it home and worked on it until 11pm so I was pretty exhausted.

Wednesday was probably the only pretty good day off my week. I went to floor hockey and although I felt tired, my team mates said I played really well. Alas, I missed scoring like 30 times! (I'm not that good a player but improved a lot since starting this year).

After Wednesday came Thursday (it usually does, I think...). The Squeamish beware:
I woke up Thursday morning and felt exhausted. I don't know why but I was (maybe from work?).

I arrived to work like every other day at around 8am. I settled in and ate a couple of pieces of cheese with an OJ juice box (thisis my breakfast) .

At 8:40am I began working. I needed desperately to change some labels on some samples so they could be mailed properly to a customer. I printed out the new labels and began to cut them out.

At 8:50am, I was daydreaming (I can't remember what, part of me thinks it may have been Wendy but I think I was just out in space about anything) and accidently sliced off the tip of my middle finger.

I immediately calmy gt of my seat, walked to the first person I saw (which happened to be my bosses Partner and his Sales Rep) and interrupted their conversation saying "I cut myself badly and don't know what to do..."

Turns out Sales Rep cut off a whole finger 5 years ago so she knew how to take care of me.

She took my finger and cleaned it up. I finally looked and noticed that I chopped off a tiny piece of my finger. She told me I went through "The 3 layers of skin and can see a little meat" but assured I was fine. She told me to put pressure o nit until the bleeding stopped, which will be 10 minutes.

Forty minutes later, it was still bleeding. By then my boss showed up. He was really concerned and put in a cab to the hospital.

I got there at 10am and around 10:30 I saw the nurse. She gave me clean piece of gauze (which turned red quickly) and sent me to the waiting room.

I was pretty pissed I couldn't read my book (Douglas Coupland's Girl In A Coma) because I needed to use my good hand to put pressure on the bad one.

I waited about 5 hours until I saw a doctor.

Inside, I met the residence doctor who didn't seem to know what to do. She took of my bandage and blood started to dripped all over the place.

She left and returned with the doctor and a high school student who is on observation of how it is to be a doctor.

The doctor was a really great guy. A young guy, sounded competent and really funny. He proceeds to remove my bandage and then we hear a noise.

The doctor asked what happened and the resident said she saw the student trip. The doctor approaches the student and 10 seconds later he faints!

Twenty minutes later the doctor is back.

He froze my finger, made a mock turnicate with a rubber glove and cauterized the wound with silver nitrate.

6 hours after arriving, I left th e hospital with a nice big bandage on my finger.

Friday was not that much better.

I didn't cut any fingers, but I had a deadline for the end of the day. My finger hurt and then halfway through the day my glasses spontaneously broke! The lens fell out and there was a piece of metal that was no longer attached together.

That didn't make my day any easier. I had to put scotch tape on the lens and it gave me a tiny headache.

Well at least today is Saturday.

Tonight is Wendy's party. I'm not going. I'm hoping to find something to do to keep my mind off of it.

Shitty Week

This week sucks.

Work has been stressful.

I'm tried and unmotivated.

I keep thinking of Wendy...

A more productive (and possibly happier post) to come whenI got more free time.

Confession

Work has been crazy and I've so busy and tired, hence the lack of blog posts. Also, nothing really exciting has been happening in my life lately. I'm still in Limbo with Wendy and on Sunday I felt at my most awkward state since we entered "the Devoid".

We spent last Sunday at the City's Gardens. There was an exhibit on butterflies. Not to look at dead ones, but they let loose about a hundred live ones so you can watch them in all their glory. I had decided to ask her if she wanted to go but surprised her about the butterfly thing.

She was happy.

I was surprised she even agreed to go. I'm not if she would have agreed to do that while we were dating. It's funny but the image i have of her when we dated is that she was always tired. It's not a very good image, but it's true. Now that I see her less often, she seems more awake when I do see her.

I feel like everyone has been telling giving me advice to end the situation I'm in. My parents, my brother, my friends, and even that tiny voice in the back of my head.

I guess it's true what they say, that in order to believe something you have to admit to doing that something.

I've been thinking a lot and I truly don't see how getting back together with Wendy is going to necessarily make me feel better. I know that I'd just worry more because if we get back together again, then it will have to be something serious. If we're going to get back together to just break up then whats the point.

I feel this tiny tug telling me to start meeting other people. Not necessarily to date but just to get out there and make new friends and meet interesting people.

I think I'm at that point to tell Wendy that I can't move forward with her anymore.

The big problem with me (and I guess her) is that I'm in a very comfortable situation. I enjoy talking on the phone with her and hanging out and it makes me feel good. So part of me doesn't want to loose the comfort.

I now know that (I think) I'm ready to end this but i"m not sure how. Part of me wants to remain friends with her but the other part of me doesn't trust that part. I don't want to have tiny thoughts in my head that things will work out if i"m trying to move on. Also, I know from experience that I'd have a hard time begin friends with her knowing that she's dating someone else, and even worse, even telling me about it.

I keep telling myself "I'll tell her after (this)" or "I have a big day at work, maybe another day" or "I really feel like talking to her now so I don't want to bring it up".

I have to admit that I guess i"m just prolonging the inevitable.

There, I admitted it! Now everyone leave me alone!

Naw, don't leave me alone, I love the attention.

So maybe in the not so distant future, this blog may get a lot more interesting...