Thank you all for your advice!
I genuinely took in altijdprijs and Leigh's advice but in the end, I decided to lean more towards JRM's approach (which was very similar to what my good friend Spider Dude told me the other day) and I e-mailed Wendy this short message:
Hey,
I saw the invite and understood it as genuine, but I thought about it a lot and don;t think it is a good idea if i attend. It feels too soon and I'm not ready yet.
Have a happy birthday.
Elwood
I almost didn't write anything because at first I didn't know what to write and then I got busy this weekend and was away from home.
I then decided to keep it short, stressing the point that I want space and sounded pleasant enough all at once.
Perhaps had it been 6 months since I last spoke to her i would have considered it but it has only been like 2 weeks.
I'll never know what she's thinking but to me it seems like she wants to ensure i"m not mad at her. I don't blame her. I'm the kind of person who hates to know if someone has bad feelings towards me. On the other hand, I"m not sure why she would think that I did.
I find it funny how we have second thoughts on things that we know never work out. Like say she decided maybe she really does miss me and wants me there, what would that do? Not much. Things didn't work out when we were together or when we tried getting back together so why the need for me to be around?
Soon enough we'll get over each other and then laugh to ourselves about how silly all this drama is.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Freakiness followed by dilemma-ness
I found it extremely freaky how on many occasions it felt like Wendy could read my mind. I'd be able to make a corny joke and she'd beat me to it. I'd have a plan on what I wanted to do and she'd agree with me before I'd even mention what I wanted to do next.
Once I heard a song and told her I couldn't remember the name of the group. Twenty minutes later, as we're walking, I was staring into space, not saying a word and she turns to me and says "Stop trying to remember the name of the group!".
Now, in an extremely supernatural way, she's done it again without even knowing it.
Just yesterday I was commenting on how I received an open invite by her via Facebook for her birthday.
I pegged it down to her knowing I would come under better circumstances and inviting me anyways to le me know I'm welcomed to come even though I most likely will not.
Turns out I was right.
She sent me an e-mail this evening basically making it clear that didn't invite me to be polite, but that she genuinely would like it for me to come. She assured that she meant it when she said she hopes we can remain friends, that I was a huge part of her life in the past year and that it's also okay if I choose not to come.
Like I said, freaky!
Maybe she reads this blog? Or she hacks into my computer? Or she can really read my mind!
In any case, I still have decided not to go. If I show up, no matter what, we'll just screw each other up badly. Ex's + Parties + Alcohol = Bad News (and sometimes babies).
I think she'll have a better birthday without me being there.
Now my dilemma is:
1. Do I reply to her e-mail to let her know I agree with her but still will not be coming or
2. Just ignore it to not break the silence
I'm veering more towards 1 because it sounds more like the right thing to do. That was she knows i still care for her but just need time and not come across as a jerk. However, I'm afraid if I do that then she may think I"m ready to "be friends" all of a sudden, which I'm not. I think I need to meet a few new people before I start hanging out with Wendy again.
What do you guys think?
Come on now, don't all shout at once!
Once I heard a song and told her I couldn't remember the name of the group. Twenty minutes later, as we're walking, I was staring into space, not saying a word and she turns to me and says "Stop trying to remember the name of the group!".
Now, in an extremely supernatural way, she's done it again without even knowing it.
Just yesterday I was commenting on how I received an open invite by her via Facebook for her birthday.
I pegged it down to her knowing I would come under better circumstances and inviting me anyways to le me know I'm welcomed to come even though I most likely will not.
Turns out I was right.
She sent me an e-mail this evening basically making it clear that didn't invite me to be polite, but that she genuinely would like it for me to come. She assured that she meant it when she said she hopes we can remain friends, that I was a huge part of her life in the past year and that it's also okay if I choose not to come.
Like I said, freaky!
Maybe she reads this blog? Or she hacks into my computer? Or she can really read my mind!
In any case, I still have decided not to go. If I show up, no matter what, we'll just screw each other up badly. Ex's + Parties + Alcohol = Bad News (and sometimes babies).
I think she'll have a better birthday without me being there.
Now my dilemma is:
1. Do I reply to her e-mail to let her know I agree with her but still will not be coming or
2. Just ignore it to not break the silence
I'm veering more towards 1 because it sounds more like the right thing to do. That was she knows i still care for her but just need time and not come across as a jerk. However, I'm afraid if I do that then she may think I"m ready to "be friends" all of a sudden, which I'm not. I think I need to meet a few new people before I start hanging out with Wendy again.
What do you guys think?
Come on now, don't all shout at once!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
A little drama never hurt anyone
It's funny because although everyone would rather avoid having drama in their life, these past few days haven't been very exciting and I was wondering (maybe in a weird way hoping) something would happen involving Wendy.
And it did.
I got an invitation from her to attend her Birthday on Facebook. (On a side note, I find it hilarious how Facebook has become this huge cultural phenomenon, soon enough it will be a word in the dictionary).
Although, some people would probably say it's being obsessive, it's kind of fun to analyze things to there fullest:
-I got invited to Wendy's birthday by Wendy
-It wasn't a personal invite, but through an Events page on Facebook
-At first i thought that maybe she just invited her whole friends list but then noticed she has 300 friends and only invited 40, so my invite probably isn't an accident
-She could genuinely want me to come. I know she's known to stay close friends with her ex-boyfriends.
[Funny thing - I actually met one of her ex-boyfriends on her birthday last year. We were at a noisy bar on St Patrick's Day (that's Wendy's birthday - pretty cool) it had only been about a month that i knew Wendy and I was trying to be friendly with her friends:
Elwood - "Hey how's it going?"
Wendy's friends - "Good, I'm a little sick"
Elwood - "That's too bad. So how do you know Wendy?"
Wendy's friend - "We used to date. How do you know Wendy?"
Elwood - "Oh... that's cool... um.... we're sort of... dating... now..."
Turned out he wasn't her most recent boyfriend (phew!) but a guy she dated 3 years ago. He ended up being a really cool guy. ]
-She could be testing the waters to see if if I'd come or not, wondering what I'm thinking.
-She could just be being polite, knowing I would come under better circumstances, not expect me to come but invited me anyways to let me know I'm still welcomed.
In any case, I'm definitely not going to go.
I'm trying to make a point that we move on. Me going would just make things super awkward. All her friends will be wondering whats going on (Wendy's a pretty private person to begin with so her friends must be dying for some gossip). She may get the wrong idea. I may get the wrong idea.
Plus, she'll probably start drinking and then most likely do something she doesn't want to do like flirt with me or even try to kiss me. I'd just make things more awkward than ever. I'm not the kind of guy who would go with it and then say "oh well she's drunk, I can fool around and then go back to not seeing her again, wasn't my fault she got drunk. She wanted it!".
No I'm not like that. I'd feel too guilty.
I may be completely off, but I wouldn't be surprised if I hear from her on her birthday after a night of drinking (maybe even just a text message), but I'm probably getting way ahead of myself.
Now I a few choices on how to handle my invite. I can:
a. Reply that I'm going - obviously this isn't the answer
b. Reply that maybe I'm going - I think that's not fair. She may get the impression I have some intention of going.
c. Reply that i"m not going - I could do that but I think that may be too stern.
d. Not do anything - This is what I decided to do.
Option d leaves all doors open. This way she can think whatever she wants. It's sneaky because only I'll know the real answer, muhahaha! (man I need to get out more, haha).
Also, I'm not sure if I should even wish her a happy birthday when her day comes. Don't get me wrong, I really want to and don't have any bad will towards her it's just I don't want to come out of my exodus so soon. She may get the impression I'm ready to talk to her, which I won't be.
I really want to wait a while (probably a few months) before I try talking to her again (if I still want to by then). I just need to meet other people and go out and about before making contact because I don't want to fall back into the old trap or even worse, think I will while she's off gallivanting with a new beau.
Please, someone, anyone agree with my logic here!
And it did.
I got an invitation from her to attend her Birthday on Facebook. (On a side note, I find it hilarious how Facebook has become this huge cultural phenomenon, soon enough it will be a word in the dictionary).
Although, some people would probably say it's being obsessive, it's kind of fun to analyze things to there fullest:
-I got invited to Wendy's birthday by Wendy
-It wasn't a personal invite, but through an Events page on Facebook
-At first i thought that maybe she just invited her whole friends list but then noticed she has 300 friends and only invited 40, so my invite probably isn't an accident
-She could genuinely want me to come. I know she's known to stay close friends with her ex-boyfriends.
[Funny thing - I actually met one of her ex-boyfriends on her birthday last year. We were at a noisy bar on St Patrick's Day (that's Wendy's birthday - pretty cool) it had only been about a month that i knew Wendy and I was trying to be friendly with her friends:
Elwood - "Hey how's it going?"
Wendy's friends - "Good, I'm a little sick"
Elwood - "That's too bad. So how do you know Wendy?"
Wendy's friend - "We used to date. How do you know Wendy?"
Elwood - "Oh... that's cool... um.... we're sort of... dating... now..."
Turned out he wasn't her most recent boyfriend (phew!) but a guy she dated 3 years ago. He ended up being a really cool guy. ]
-She could be testing the waters to see if if I'd come or not, wondering what I'm thinking.
-She could just be being polite, knowing I would come under better circumstances, not expect me to come but invited me anyways to let me know I'm still welcomed.
In any case, I'm definitely not going to go.
I'm trying to make a point that we move on. Me going would just make things super awkward. All her friends will be wondering whats going on (Wendy's a pretty private person to begin with so her friends must be dying for some gossip). She may get the wrong idea. I may get the wrong idea.
Plus, she'll probably start drinking and then most likely do something she doesn't want to do like flirt with me or even try to kiss me. I'd just make things more awkward than ever. I'm not the kind of guy who would go with it and then say "oh well she's drunk, I can fool around and then go back to not seeing her again, wasn't my fault she got drunk. She wanted it!".
No I'm not like that. I'd feel too guilty.
I may be completely off, but I wouldn't be surprised if I hear from her on her birthday after a night of drinking (maybe even just a text message), but I'm probably getting way ahead of myself.
Now I a few choices on how to handle my invite. I can:
a. Reply that I'm going - obviously this isn't the answer
b. Reply that maybe I'm going - I think that's not fair. She may get the impression I have some intention of going.
c. Reply that i"m not going - I could do that but I think that may be too stern.
d. Not do anything - This is what I decided to do.
Option d leaves all doors open. This way she can think whatever she wants. It's sneaky because only I'll know the real answer, muhahaha! (man I need to get out more, haha).
Also, I'm not sure if I should even wish her a happy birthday when her day comes. Don't get me wrong, I really want to and don't have any bad will towards her it's just I don't want to come out of my exodus so soon. She may get the impression I'm ready to talk to her, which I won't be.
I really want to wait a while (probably a few months) before I try talking to her again (if I still want to by then). I just need to meet other people and go out and about before making contact because I don't want to fall back into the old trap or even worse, think I will while she's off gallivanting with a new beau.
Please, someone, anyone agree with my logic here!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
The next chapter
I feel now that I've gotten some people's attention (i.e. the, what... 3 or 4 people who read this blog?) that I have to find some more juicy things to write about. That come in the future but not too too soon. I still want to take it easy for a bit but I thought I share with you guys what I have "planned".
I put planned in quotations because you can never truly plan your life.
I've made my decision to move on from Wendy, which for now seems a bit easier than I thought. However, I do have to remember it's only been 3 days!
I'm planning to move out in the next few months. Hopefully before summer. I need out of my parents basement. Although I lived on my own for a year in Australia, I think it's going to be better that I'm single when I move out on my own. I'm sure I'm going to have it hard for a while having to do everything on my own and learn how to be independant again.
Once I'm settled into my new independant life in the city (I currently live out in the boonies) it'll be way easier for me to go out and meet new people!
I'm not saying I'm hoping to go out and scope chicks (although it's always fun to try), but I'm really outgoing guy. In University I made tons of school friends and acquaintances. When I met Wendy, I was already heading into a new chapter in my life. All my friends had moved away, I had just started a professional job and was dating Wendy.
Having professional job alone changed the amount of free time I had to go to parties and see friends and meet new people. Then I ended up spending almost all my free time seeing Wendy. On top of that, because she was always tired, I rarely got to see my friends. She'd usually want to stay in and watch a movie then go out and hang with people, say at a party.
Now I feel like I can start doing that again.
It's time to meet new faces.
It will be a bit tough still living at home but at least I could get my feet a little wet before I go for a dive, hopefully sooner than later.
In the meantime I'm going to try and focus hard on finding what I could afford and how to get the gears moving. I'm afraid to admit it but I may need a room mate, which alone may be a huge challenge.
Here's to the next chapter in my life!
I put planned in quotations because you can never truly plan your life.
I've made my decision to move on from Wendy, which for now seems a bit easier than I thought. However, I do have to remember it's only been 3 days!
I'm planning to move out in the next few months. Hopefully before summer. I need out of my parents basement. Although I lived on my own for a year in Australia, I think it's going to be better that I'm single when I move out on my own. I'm sure I'm going to have it hard for a while having to do everything on my own and learn how to be independant again.
Once I'm settled into my new independant life in the city (I currently live out in the boonies) it'll be way easier for me to go out and meet new people!
I'm not saying I'm hoping to go out and scope chicks (although it's always fun to try), but I'm really outgoing guy. In University I made tons of school friends and acquaintances. When I met Wendy, I was already heading into a new chapter in my life. All my friends had moved away, I had just started a professional job and was dating Wendy.
Having professional job alone changed the amount of free time I had to go to parties and see friends and meet new people. Then I ended up spending almost all my free time seeing Wendy. On top of that, because she was always tired, I rarely got to see my friends. She'd usually want to stay in and watch a movie then go out and hang with people, say at a party.
Now I feel like I can start doing that again.
It's time to meet new faces.
It will be a bit tough still living at home but at least I could get my feet a little wet before I go for a dive, hopefully sooner than later.
In the meantime I'm going to try and focus hard on finding what I could afford and how to get the gears moving. I'm afraid to admit it but I may need a room mate, which alone may be a huge challenge.
Here's to the next chapter in my life!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The response
Upon returning from breakfast this morning, I noticed an e-mail from Wendy in my inbox:
Hey,
I'm really sorry it has been such a stressful week for you, and even more sorry that I somehow contributed into making it that way. I've wanted to call you but thought maybe it was a good idea to see what happened if I didn't, which resulted in us not speaking for 5 days. On my way home last night I said to myself I was gonna call today because I missed you and wanted to see you.
I also don't like the situation we put ourselves in here. Part of me thinks it may have been a mistake to try and fix things for the past 2 months because it didn't get us anywhere..Having said that, don't think for a second that I didn't enjoy every minute I spent with you (even the ones you were getting us lost).
Please don't feel bad about wanting me to make a decision, you wanted to know what I wanted and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm very sorry about not being able to tell you. I think if we really wanted to get back together we wouldn't have waiting this long and we would have figured it out by now. That's not to say we haven't tried in the last 2 months because I think we did..but the fact that I still had doubts (I don't know if you did or not) I think says something. It doesn't say anything bad about either one of us, just maybe that we're not meant to be.
You have never done anything to warrant me hating you, and this certainly doesn't qualify as a reason. You have been nothing but supportive and kind and you have always treated me with respect. You still mean a lot to me as well, and will for a long time. I would love nothing more than for us to be friends. It would hurt me a lot if that wasn't able to happen.
I get that you need some time to yourself, but know that I am here when you're ready.
I miss you already..
Wendy
I have to say I find it really eerie how we're always on the same wave length. Here I was thinking this past week that I would wait and see what happened if I didn't call her for a few days, and then I find out she had the exact same thoughts!
It's funny how we both feel so real and attached when discussing this subject but our actual relationship seemed to lack that and didn't always feel right.
I'm glad she gave me a response. It makes me feel a lot better and i"m happy to hear she's going to respect my request to be alone for a while.
Hey,
I'm really sorry it has been such a stressful week for you, and even more sorry that I somehow contributed into making it that way. I've wanted to call you but thought maybe it was a good idea to see what happened if I didn't, which resulted in us not speaking for 5 days. On my way home last night I said to myself I was gonna call today because I missed you and wanted to see you.
I also don't like the situation we put ourselves in here. Part of me thinks it may have been a mistake to try and fix things for the past 2 months because it didn't get us anywhere..Having said that, don't think for a second that I didn't enjoy every minute I spent with you (even the ones you were getting us lost).
Please don't feel bad about wanting me to make a decision, you wanted to know what I wanted and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm very sorry about not being able to tell you. I think if we really wanted to get back together we wouldn't have waiting this long and we would have figured it out by now. That's not to say we haven't tried in the last 2 months because I think we did..but the fact that I still had doubts (I don't know if you did or not) I think says something. It doesn't say anything bad about either one of us, just maybe that we're not meant to be.
You have never done anything to warrant me hating you, and this certainly doesn't qualify as a reason. You have been nothing but supportive and kind and you have always treated me with respect. You still mean a lot to me as well, and will for a long time. I would love nothing more than for us to be friends. It would hurt me a lot if that wasn't able to happen.
I get that you need some time to yourself, but know that I am here when you're ready.
I miss you already..
Wendy
I have to say I find it really eerie how we're always on the same wave length. Here I was thinking this past week that I would wait and see what happened if I didn't call her for a few days, and then I find out she had the exact same thoughts!
It's funny how we both feel so real and attached when discussing this subject but our actual relationship seemed to lack that and didn't always feel right.
I'm glad she gave me a response. It makes me feel a lot better and i"m happy to hear she's going to respect my request to be alone for a while.
It's done
It's 4am and I'm exhausted. I just sent Wendy an e-mail. I know what you're thinking, that it was really lame and chicken to send it by e-mail but I gave it a lot of thought and it made most sense to me.
I hadn't spoken to Wendy in 5 days. For me to just call her out of the blue just to tell her I don't want to talk to her anymore (for a while at least), made no sense to me. plus, I felt this way I could express myself properly and not leave anything out.
I'm not sure if I made the best decision or if I wrote a good e-mail but I did this and it's over with. I know it'll take me a while until i can move on but it's something I'm going to have to deal with.
In the end I think it's better to do this than just let it drag on because i"m scarred or inconvenienced to end things properly.
I included my e-mail below:
Hey,
It's 3:00am and I can't sleep. I didn't want to do this by e-mail but I feel it's the only way I can express all my thoughts properly.
This whole past week has been stressful. I've been working very late hours everyday, not sleeping very well and letting my mind waver all over the place.
In turn, I've been thinking real long and hard about us.
I kind of mentioned it before but I have to tell the whole truth - I hate this situation we're in. I hate that we're in limbo. When we broke up, this is what I wanted to avoid but let it happen anyways. When we broke up, I gave it a lot of thought, I really did, and decided that we may have broken up too soon and could have given it another shot. I called you back right away and tried to "fix" things. I thought we could work things out slow and then get back together.
It's been two months and nothing has changed. You still seem unsure about things. I feel horrible that at first I was almost pushing you to make a decision and now after a lot of thinking have come up with my own decision. I realized recently that I've been trying so hard to fix things that I never gave it a lot of thought of how things would be if we did get back together. The few times i did, I got scared and only thought of the things I disliked when we were a couple. I have a lot of feelings for you still and I really enjoyed being with you for those 10 months but near the end we both knew something was wrong. I'm afraid I might want to get back together for all the wrong reasons and that would make things even worse.
As hard as it is for me to say this, I decided I need to be alone for a while. I'm not saying I never want to see you again. I truly would want nothing more than for us to be friends. I know that you have remained close friends with multiple guys you've dated in the past, but for a while I'm going to need some distance.
You were my first girlfriend and you still mean a lot to me. I experienced many things I haven't before with anyone else and am glad I got to experience them with you.
I hope you won't hate me for this and all the back and forth nonsense I put you through these past couple of months, and that somewhere down the road we can stay in touch.
Elwood
I hadn't spoken to Wendy in 5 days. For me to just call her out of the blue just to tell her I don't want to talk to her anymore (for a while at least), made no sense to me. plus, I felt this way I could express myself properly and not leave anything out.
I'm not sure if I made the best decision or if I wrote a good e-mail but I did this and it's over with. I know it'll take me a while until i can move on but it's something I'm going to have to deal with.
In the end I think it's better to do this than just let it drag on because i"m scarred or inconvenienced to end things properly.
I included my e-mail below:
Hey,
It's 3:00am and I can't sleep. I didn't want to do this by e-mail but I feel it's the only way I can express all my thoughts properly.
This whole past week has been stressful. I've been working very late hours everyday, not sleeping very well and letting my mind waver all over the place.
In turn, I've been thinking real long and hard about us.
I kind of mentioned it before but I have to tell the whole truth - I hate this situation we're in. I hate that we're in limbo. When we broke up, this is what I wanted to avoid but let it happen anyways. When we broke up, I gave it a lot of thought, I really did, and decided that we may have broken up too soon and could have given it another shot. I called you back right away and tried to "fix" things. I thought we could work things out slow and then get back together.
It's been two months and nothing has changed. You still seem unsure about things. I feel horrible that at first I was almost pushing you to make a decision and now after a lot of thinking have come up with my own decision. I realized recently that I've been trying so hard to fix things that I never gave it a lot of thought of how things would be if we did get back together. The few times i did, I got scared and only thought of the things I disliked when we were a couple. I have a lot of feelings for you still and I really enjoyed being with you for those 10 months but near the end we both knew something was wrong. I'm afraid I might want to get back together for all the wrong reasons and that would make things even worse.
As hard as it is for me to say this, I decided I need to be alone for a while. I'm not saying I never want to see you again. I truly would want nothing more than for us to be friends. I know that you have remained close friends with multiple guys you've dated in the past, but for a while I'm going to need some distance.
You were my first girlfriend and you still mean a lot to me. I experienced many things I haven't before with anyone else and am glad I got to experience them with you.
I hope you won't hate me for this and all the back and forth nonsense I put you through these past couple of months, and that somewhere down the road we can stay in touch.
Elwood
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Harder than I thought
So yeah, as of the past couple of days I've been all "I think I better end things with Wendy. I'll just call her, tell her my feelings and move on - 1,2,3".
SO SO much harder than that.
All day yesterday my plan was to call her up and talk. Instead, I got really tired and decided to go to sleep.
I realized that I need to call her at the right time; That it wouldn't be good to force myself to call her just to tell her the news. I'd rather call her when I feel awake and ready to talk and hear what she has to say (not that anything she says will change my decision). I just don't want to come across as barking at her in the phone. I need to be civil. There is nothing wrong (we're not fighting or anything) with us so it's like I'm adding trouble which is why it feels safer not to do anything.
I admit I'm scared.
Yesterday every time my phone moved I was scared it would be her. Another thing I decided is I won't bring it up if she calls me. Unless, it makes sense.
I'm hoping not to drag this out much longer than needed.
SO SO much harder than that.
All day yesterday my plan was to call her up and talk. Instead, I got really tired and decided to go to sleep.
I realized that I need to call her at the right time; That it wouldn't be good to force myself to call her just to tell her the news. I'd rather call her when I feel awake and ready to talk and hear what she has to say (not that anything she says will change my decision). I just don't want to come across as barking at her in the phone. I need to be civil. There is nothing wrong (we're not fighting or anything) with us so it's like I'm adding trouble which is why it feels safer not to do anything.
I admit I'm scared.
Yesterday every time my phone moved I was scared it would be her. Another thing I decided is I won't bring it up if she calls me. Unless, it makes sense.
I'm hoping not to drag this out much longer than needed.
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