Re-evaluation

In my early twenties I barely dated. Now in my early thirties (I'm 30 on the dot) Im all over the place.

I went from maybe a date every 6 months to about 20 in the past year (all with different girls).

And now, for the past 2 weeks I've been dating 2 girls. Well sort of.

Two weeks ago I went to a loft party and met a girl. I'll call her Nadine.

We talked for a bit and then exchanged numbers. We ended up going on two dates. Both resulting with a kiss at the end.

Meanwhile, prior to meeting Nadine, I was set up through a matchmaking service with someone. Ill call her Star. We spent about a week trying to find a time we could meet. We settle in a day the same week. We also went on two dates. No kisses.

I swear I didn't arrange this on purpose and in fact hated the situation. I felt like I had to choose. In the end I just kept thinking of reason why not to date either of them.

Nadine seems nice but I kept struggling if I was attracted to her.
The combination of that and the fact she was really really into me just made me think it best not to lead her on.

Meanwhile, Star is a lot prettier than Nadine but my problem with her is that she is very conservative. I like tongi out and e social and do a lot of different things and I just don't see her on the same page.

I've literally been worrying about what I want and what's going in in my head all week. So I just had to do something and ended up telling Nadine it wasnt going to work out.

In the past there was a girl into me that I wasn't into a all and told her it wasn't going to work out via text. I felt like an ass do this time I said to myself id do it on the phone.

Most awkward conversation ever. I felt horrible.

She texted me to call her and I did and we chatted and all was well. Then I hinted Id be too busy to hang out son and that got her suspicious. So I just admitted I was stressing a lot about stuff and that I'm not in the right mind to date anyone right now.

I hate it but I told her the it's not you it's me speech. That wasn't enough and she wanted to know why I've been stressed. She admitted she hasn't dated in a long time and really liked me. Just made me feel worse. Then I ended with "have a nice weekend"

She just sounded devastated. I feel terrible that I'm sure I ruined her day. On the other hand, we went on TWO dates. Imagine if I kept dating her not really into it and then broke it off in a month or two?

It's shitty but these things happen. I've been on the other end before. I jus wonder if talking about it was the right thing to do it should I have just let things fizzle out.

Now I just need to figure out how to tell Star I'm not interested in her.

But i think I'll wait a few days.

Random

Name: Random Girl

First contact: Technically over a year ago but reconnected 2 weeks ago.

How'd we meet: Ok Cupid!.

The situation:

Was chilling in my room waiting for my brother to arrive when my phone beeped to inform me I got a message from Ok Cupid. It just said "what are you doing tonight?"

The message was from a girl I'd tried to contact online over a year ago with no answer. Apparently now she had a date that cancelled and was trying to find a replacement.

Told her I was busy but we ended up playing text tag for about a week. She'd text me randomly to see if I was free. We finally met but only for about 30 minutes due to the fact it was late and I had to work the next day.

After several failed attempts of arranging a second date, she randomly texted me to see if I was free that night and we went to a comedy show.

We chatted over coffee first and it went well. At the club she mostly talked to her friend she knew in the show and when it started she directed me to sit on a couch with her.

After a whole, being so close, out hands touched and we started playing "handsies".

After the show I walked her to the subway.

The dealbreaker: As mentioned in my last post, this was the date I thought went well but afraid I came off too strong.

3 days after date 2 I texted get since last minute my plans for cancelled and she seemed like the best choice for a last minute meet up. However, her reply was "I'm going on a date tonight" and "I'm not looking to date anyone exclusively".

I was fine with that and asked if we could still hang out and she said yes.

Needless to say, the random texts stopped coming.

Chivalry Vs. Creepy

So yeah, my little plan of posting hilarious dates on here all the time has failed. I just have no motivation to keep this blog going.

I've been extremely busy lately performing in shows and working hard. Spending 30-60min typing up a date I went on 1 year ago just doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would.

In any case, I'm writing now because the whole reason I started this blog was to express my thoughts on my dating experience and maybe even get some advice back (although having people who actually read this blog would help). And now I'm curious about something.

I believe in the old school of thought and, according to my female friends, I'm one of the few guys they know that act like a true gentleman.

I hold doors open, offer sweaters if cold, let old ladies have my seat on the bus, etc.

However, I've noticed on several occasions with different girls, especially on first dates where they don't know me yet, they get thrown off by my chivalry.

Take for example last night. Was on a date with a girl I met online. It was our second time meeting and we saw a comedy show. I thought it went well.

After the show I walked her to the subway and then she had to go in while I had to take a bus.

Since my bus was actually a block away and I could have easily walked underground to take it, I offered her to walk her to the subway turnstiles.

She looked a bit thrown off and said "no that's ok, let's say out goodbyes here".

So after that encounter, I felt like I came off more needy than gentleman like, and it sucks!

It's happen multiple times. I thought Girls like that stuff but I feel sometimes they misinterpret it. I'm sure a couple of times I never heard back from them because it felt like I was coming off strong.

So I wonder if although my intentions are for good, it may be overkill.

Ladies, what do you think?

Too busy

Right now I happen to have about for girls I could call up to ask out on a date. 3 of them I exchanged messages with on Ok Cupid, and 1 I met on new years eve (New Years Eve girl 2).

However, I'm doing way too much to have time that is convenient for them.

For example, after my first encounter with New Years Eve girl 2, I havn't been able to find a time I'm free that works for her. After 3 weeks of text message tag, I asked her out For Saturday night and finally she was free! Except, I realized right after asking that I wasn't.

It's tough, this dating game. I can't tell if we just have bad luck on our schedules or if she keeps blowing me off and I'm just not getting the hints.

I'll try one more time before I call
It quits on her.

Weekend of fun

As mentioned in my last post, I had bought a ticket to visit New Years Eve Girl who lives in the Neighboring City to My City.

After buying my ticket we both realized we barely know each other and now I was going to spend a whole weekend with her.

In the end I had a great time. We did absolutely nothing and it was fantastic.

I had been running around so much lately it was nice to just hang out and take it easy.

Friday we meet at the train station and had dinner at a bar. We then went to New Years Eve Girl's tiny place. The ceilings are about 5'10" off the ground and I'm 6'1" so there wasn't a lot of standing.

That first night was a bit awkward because we slept in her bed but we weren't sure what was going on with 'us'. We cuddles and fell asleep but I didn't sleep well at all. I have a hard time sleeping with someone else in a bed. However, lying in bed for 10 hours still felt good.

Saturday was breakfast, window shopping and yoga. We ate at her place and were going to head out for a date but she wanted to nap and after napping, we were both exhausted.

Instead we stood in and watched a movie but still changed into nice clothing (her a skirt, me a shirt and tie). It was quite romantic with wine and candles (all her idea actually).

After the movie we started to make out and then she asked if I wanted tea. I said yes and then hit a tiny flub. While drinking tea, I showed her some videos on YouTube and she started to 'loose the mood'.

Once I was done my tea, though, things started up again and we headed to her bedroom.

Not going to go into details but she is probably the 5th girl I've ever fooled around with and boy am unlearning everyone is different.

She was definitely not hard to please which took off a lot of pressure. The thing that killed me was I wasn't able to perform. This is the second time with this girl (first being when we met on new years eve). This is also not the first time this has happens to me with a girl.

In fact I've had this problem with every girl I've been with, only with my ex,I guess I got used to her because after the first couple of times it got real easy.

Wondering of its a nerves thing or maybe I'm just hit attracted sexually to these girls. That makes nonsense since
New Years Eve Girl has an amazing bod.

I wonder if I should see a doctor about this.

Sunday we slept in again and then u said my goodbyes to meet up with an old friend in the city.

Overall I had a great time with her but I never felt 100% invested. I thin ages cool but if she lived in my city I doubt I'd want to date her.

Maybe it was a mistake going to visit her but I never got the impression she wanted more from this either. I think we were both of the same page of just enjoying a fun weekend together.

I'll keep in touch with her but doubt I'll be running back to visit her.

She told me she had a date with someone the day I arrived (earlier in the day) and she knew I'd been on other dates.

In the end I had a nice experience.

More of New Years Eve Girl

About 2 weeks ago I received a Facebook chat message from New Years Eve Girl.

We spoke for a bit and patched things up about how awkward it was her last night in town. She even invited me to visit whenever I wanted.

I thought about it a lot and decided I wanted to go. I hadn't been traveling on my own in a long time plus I have other friends and even family I could see in her city.

She was cool having me come and I'm visiting her this weekend.

After I settled things with my train ticket I got a little nervous and was afraid I hadn't thought it through enough.

First was the fact I realized I barely know her and I'll be staying with her. Then I discovered both the friend I was hoping to meet up with and my aunt and uncle are out of town that weekend, so I have no one else to visit but NYE girl. Which is fine but if she turns out crazy I'm on my own.

Then there's this underlying notion of 'us'. I admit at first I was a bit excited on how this could be a booty call but kept on mind it might not. Well when we were making arrangements, She kept hinting I'm coming as a friend. So to avoid awkwardness when I arrive, I brought it up and in the open. She said we will be friends who cuddle. However I'm sleeping in her bed with her because the couch is too small (according to her).

Weve been chatting online every night this week since I bought my ticket and she sounds pretty stressed. I want to have a stress free weekend ago in making sure to be laid back and just go with the flow.

More to come on my trip.

Oops!

Name: Curly Sue (she had really curly hair in her profile pic

First contact: Just before Christmas
How'd we meet: Ok Cupid!.

The situation:
She contacted me online and we exchanged several e-mails over a couple of weeks. I asked her for coffee. She said she was on her way to Florida but u could call when she returned.

Finally when I called, it felt awkward on the phone. We arranged to potentially meet over the weekend.

The dealbreaker: I forgot to call her

I had a real busy weekend and only remembered Sunday night I was supposed to call. I did anyways but got her voice mail.

I left a message with an apology and asked for a rain check.

No response since. I don't blame her. Ha ha.

Avoiding the awkward

b>Name: The Other NYE Girl (ONYEG)

First contact: originally met on new years eve. Grabbed a beer 3 weeks later

How'd we meet: NYE Dance party.

The situation:
My friends brought to my attention that there was another girl that looked totally into me and it seemed like we were hitting it off. Also, due to the fact that she lives in my city, I tracked her down on Facebook. I had help from a mutual friend, who encouraged me, so it's not stalking (right?).

The dealbreaker: none (so far)

First off I didn't realize how pretty she was, which made it hard for me to stop thinking it was a "date".

I know we met at a party and then arranged to have a beer but it doesn't mean insta-relationship

This is also a reason I get nervous. I feel I don't know how to act and I know the typical "be yourself". But what happens when "being yourself" IS being a nervous guy? As a performer you'd think I could be anyone I want to be, but nope, I just talk a lot and act nervous.

However, she was the one keeping it cool. It felt like she could tell I was nervous and made an effort to keep things going rather then feel awkward and want to leave.

For instance, a couple of times we ended up talking about stuff that was leading into an awkward direction and she changed the subject to something more fun to talk about. But totally in a smooth way without any feeling of "Oh god this is terrible".

At the end of the night, it was her who said she shed like to get together again sometime for a beer.

She could have just said that but it was nice doe once to hear the other person say it than me all the time.

Fake date

b>Name: Undercover Aussie

First contact: , february 17, 2011

How'd we meet: OK Cupid
Her Whole profile was actually the lyrics to the song "asshole" by Dennis Leary cut up to be answers to each section. Plus her 1 picture was very cute.

The situation:
We wrote back and forth several times, getting to know each other. The messages starts getting longer and longer do I asked her to meet up for a drink.

The dealbreaker: she lied about who she was.

I've done the online thing for 6 years now and met tons of people - some cool, some crazy. Ive always approached it with caution but never had I met anyone who'd lied so blatantly as Undercover Aussie.

After asking her out for drinks she relied she'd love to but was in Melbourne, australia. At first I was excited because I had live in Australia for a year and loved if there. But then more truths came out.

I thought she had just moved there for whatever reason. Turned out she was FROM there and lied about her location because she had lived in My City, wanted to come back sometime in the future (no date planned) and thought she could make friends online before her return.

A bit odd way to do it but I wasn't completely thrown off until she admitted her ENTIRE profile was a lie. She wasn't 24 she was 32 and her picture was a fake also. I asked why the fake picture and she said its because it looked more Canadian! Plus the real Undercover Aussie wasn't even pretty. Obviously this person had self image problems.

I told her I was disappointed to be deceived like that and she felt bad do she disabled the fake account. Good riddance!

New friends

Name: Kitten

First contact: Sometime in middle of December, 2011

How'd we meet: OK Cupid
I found her profile online. She looked cute and also looked familiar, so I sent her a message.

The situation:
Turned out we had seen each other in real life. I'd seen here at a theater I'd frequented and we had mutual friends. I'd never spoken to her though and knew little about Kitten.

So we chatted a bit online and exchanges a few e-mails.

The dealbreaker: not interested

Totally on her part. After a couple of weeks getting to know each other online, she admitted Internet dating freaked her out. Had nothing to do with me but she also had no interest in me romantically.

She comes to the theater on a regular basis now and we've become friends.
She's a good person and I wish the best for her.

My beliefs vs your brliefs

b>Name: Messiah

First contact: Sometime in beginning of December, 2011

How'd we meet: OK Cupid
I found her profile online, read it and thought she was interesting and cute. E-mailed her but no answer until 1 month later.

The situation:
After a couple of back and forth emails we met up for dinner. All you can eat sushi.

It was pretty relaxed because the pretext of out encounter was that Messiah is just new to town and looking to make friends. She's definitely interesting because she's travelled the world and seen many things.

The dealbreaker: religion.

During our dinner the topic of religion came up.

Turns out she believes in a strain of Judaism that isn't common (her religion believes Jesus is the messiah and remained Jewish).

I don't like to judge people and if that's what she believes, great. She sounded very passionate about it.

It's just her beliefs really clash with mine. I wouldn't say to the point I can't hang out with her but definitely nothing romantic.

Maybe I am judging but I just didn't get the best vibe.

Bad Timing

Here's my first attempt at recapping my dates. As mentioned in my previous post, a majority are people I met online. This makes it easier for me to remember the person and when we met. I mainly stick to 2 sites, Plentyoffish and OK Cupid! Unfortunately, POF erases messages after a while so I'll have to go by memory of the encounters from there.


So here goes :)


-----

Name: Gigi

First contact: Dec 9th, 2010

How'd we meet: OK Cupid/A party

The situation: I received a message from Gigi on OK Cupid. She said she read my profile and just had to contact me. She looked familiar to me and then I realized...

The dealbreaker:
...That I had met her at a party a week earlier. A party I was invited to by Cute Jew 2 (you can read all about her and why she stopped talking to me, here ). Cute Jew 2 and I had just started to date and this party was full of girls, all her friends. I knew no one. I remember eyeing Gigi a bit at the party.

The other thing that was a real deal breaker, even had I not been with Cute Jew 2 at the time, was the fact she had picked a terrible picture for her profile. She looked pale like a vampire and her hair looked wet and flat. In real life I knew she was much prettier.

So yeah we actually never met. Then things went sour real quick with Cute Jew 2, which started my drought of dates until about June.

Things to come

My plan when re-starting this blog was to recap all the dates I experienced in the past year. However, all of a sudden I have many avenues to pursue right now, which is unusual.

The majority of my dating life, past and present has been through online dating sites. Although, I have met a couple if people through other ways.

Unlike before when I would just ramble about my experience, this time around I want to recap each date in an organized fashion. Like a file of sorts - showing who the person is, how I met them, what we did, how'd it go, etc.

I'm not sure how to do it yet but I might switch back and forth between the past dates I've been on, and while it lasts, my current dates, so I can write as they occur rather than have to remember the details later.

I'll try to post every other day but if I write too quickly, I'm bound to run out of material in a couple of weeks.

Stay tuned!

- Elwood

More than remembered

Yesterday I had a chance to meet up with a bunch of friends that I had not seen since New Years Eve.

Right away they kept asking me about me night, with things like "so what happened with you and that girl???".

Knowing they meant NYE Girl, played dumb and was like "oh, what girl?". To which the responses were "the tall blond, in the black dress" and "you guys looked so cute when you locked hands while dancing".

Well, NYE Girl had black hair, wearing a white top...

It took me a while to remember that Ii was hitting it off with a second person that night before NYE Girl showed up. This sounds douche-y but I would have been happy with either girl that night. I wasn't expecting anything, from anyone.

So, just for shits and giggles, I tracked this other girl down on Facebook.

-Elwood

Starting the year off with a bang (literally)

Before I start writing about all my crazy dates of 2011, I thought I'd start with my experience on New Years Eve.

Every year this particular theater hosts a high school dance party night. I've attended the event for the past 2 years and decided to volunteer at this years. My role was to make sure no one is left out on the side waiting to dance. I was basically a designated dancer. This led me to dance and meet multiple people (i.e. everyone - guys and girls). A lot of my friends had attended as well so that was fun.

Throughout the night, after dancing with everyone, you tend to go back to the same people you enjoyed from earlier. I ended up re-dancing with a few girls but one seemed to stick out. I'll Call her NYE Girl (original, I know). After dancing with her a 3rd time she said she was hungry and asked if we could go get food.

As thrilled as I was to go off with this person, I discovered NYE Girl was from out of town and was with a bunch of friends. I wanted to be sure her friends knew what she was up to. Well it turned out by coincidence that her friends also wanted to get food and at the same place I was suggesting. So we all left the party to go eat.

After our late night dinner (it was about 3 am) they were figuring out how to cab home and then they realized they were going to be a lot of people crashing at the same apartment. So, NYE Girl tells her friends she'll just crash at my place! Before asking me! Totally not what I was expecting.

I wanted to lend a helping hand and the way it happened, genuinely felt like she just wanted a place to stay.

We cabbed to my place with my roommate (after meeting up with her). I had texted my roommate just before to a) let her know someone was coming over and b) most likely sleeping on the couch.

NYE Girl and I head to my room, to which I discovered I left a huge pile of laundry on my bed before I left my apartment. So I started to fold my clothes and she began to help me. Underwear and all...

Then in the most original segue to sex, she jumps on my back and says "Give me a piggy back ride!". Not knowing what to do, I flipped her on the bed and then kissed her.

It was on. She was definitely not sleeping on the couch tonight.

I'll spare details, but we fooled around for a very long time, until it was time for it, which never happened. I just couldn't, um, perform. I wasn't drunk, just nervous, I guess. It'd been almost a year and a half since I'd been with a girl. By then it was 6am and we cuddled to sleep.

I cannot sleep well with another body in my bed, especially if we're holding each other, so my sleep was almost non-existant. I was exhausted the next day.

On New Years day we stayed in bed for a while, then got out so I could make us french toast and then went back to relax in bed. Then we had sex (all the way) although I last as fast a speeding bullet... which was upsetting (for me) but she said she still enjoyed it.

Eventually NYE Girl had to leave but wanted to borrow a sweater for the cold weather which meant she wanted to meet me the following day to hang otu before she left to go back home to her city. SO we arranged to meet up the next day.

She ended up coming over again after going out for dinner and we proceeded to make out. Things were going great until she started to ask me things like "So did you notice me all night?" etc. To be honest, she came onto me strong, she was cute and she came over to my place. No complaints, but I had no intentions really. I barely noticed her.

She started to feel really clingy and was saying how she'd be back to visit and stuff. So I just cut her off and said if she were to come back to My City, I'd like to stay friends. Shit really got weird because she started to cry. We had a very long and awkward conversation and then just stopped and started over, pretending that never happend.

Although it did happen and I just wasn't emotionally invested in the sex anymore, even though she asked me if I still wanted to. So I thought she was ok with that (actually she made it sound like she didn't want to have sex anymore either) but then she asked again. By this point it was time for her to leave. She asked if she could sleep over again but I really had to work.

Even with the awkward ending, in the end New Years was a lot of fun and it was fun to pretend to have someone for at least a couple of days.

Heck, maybe if she does come back to visit, we can still fool around. Who knows.

-Elwood

I'm back

I can't explain it, but after giving up on this blog for just over a year, I feel like writing again.

A brief history

I started this thing in 2007 when my first girlfriend and I were in the midst of breaking up. We had dated for over a year. I had never dated anyone before and at the age of 26, it was a big deal.

Although we got along, not much happened in the relationship. We never had sex and I was still a virgin. It was bound to end.

I started the blog because a few of my friends had one and it seemed like a good way to figure things out about dating.

After I got over my ex (it took a while) I started going on dates and wrote about my adventures.

People started to take some notice of this blog, but then I lost interest in writing.

To my surprise, I found out that a bunch of my readers were women and they wanted me to continue writing. So I did.

Eventually it got boring since I was running out of things to say... until I lost my virginity at the age of 28 to a friend (on my mom's birthday to boot) and shortly after I met Indie Rock Girl.

We had dated for 3 months before moving away. She was awesome and totally different than my first girlfriend. Plus we had lots of sex.

Within the year after she left I I went on some dates (but not much) until December of 2010 where I dated a new girl for almost a month before insulting her on her kissing (total accident) and never hearing from her again (I found out recently, within a week of the incident, she'd been set up with a guy and they've been happily together for the past year).

By then writing got boring again. After 3 years it was the same old and my dates went dry so didn't have much to talk about, so I stopped.

Until now.

So what has happened to me in the past year? A lot.

- New job (hated the old one / love the new one).

- New apartment and roommate. She's awesome and we talk about a lot of things.

- New dress style. While moving a friend of mine helped me rid of all my old/ill fitting/ugly clothing. Now I dress with more fitted clothes and enjoy wearing ties and dress shirts when I can.

- Lots and lots of dates. After I got over my first ex, I made a vow to go on a date with 10 other girls. It took me about a year to do so. Now, I've been on at least 15 dates in the past 6 months. Some were good, some were bad. All have a "story" to them, which I hope to write about in the future.

I also got an iPhone so it'll be easier for met to update. I'm going to try and keep my posts as short and concise so I can spread then out (looks like I already failed with this post).

I still weigh the same though (a whopping 130lbs for my 6'1" frame.

-Elwood