A few days later she asked me out on a second date. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if I was attracted to her.
Up until then I had been normally attracted to thinner people (I'm a small guy myself). Also, Katie is Mexican and I'm Jewish and I felt that could cause issues down the line (I haven't decided if I will only marry someone Jewish or not).
Katie and I would end up doing most of our chatting online and through texting each other (a trend I would both love and HATE - more on that later). So I texted her back saying I think we should be just friends.
She didn't take it so well and asked me to give her another chance.
It was now September and the Jewish Holidays were happening. During which, I go to synagogue and pray all day.
When inside synagogue all day praying and getting bored out of my mind, it's easy to have lots of time to reflect on things. Naturally I just kept thinking about if I wanted to date Katie or not.
I can't explain why but halfway through the day I just said to myself I would. I figured I've had too high standards before and should give someone like Katie a chance.
More on that in the next post.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
Our FIrst Date
It was summer 2013 and I was on OKCupid at the time but not making a big deal about it.
I had met someone nice on it who had just moved to My City looking to make new friends. We hung out a bit and I brought her to the theater yo see some shows.
I was deliberately not trying to want to date someone so I was happy to be becoming friendly with a female without wanting to date her. Although secretly I would have if it went that way.
Meanwhile, out of the blue I get a Facebook message from Katie asking if I'd want to go mini golfing. I was interested in going and thought my new friend would enjoy coming to meet new people. So I asked Katie if it would be on if she tagged along.
Now I didn't read the message properly. I thought she was asking me to join a group activity with others. So needless to say I was surprised when wrote back saying she mustn't had been clear enough - SHE WAS ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE.
I reread the message. No she was clear. I was just an idiot.
I thought about it for a while. Although I didn't feel a huge attraction at first, I figured what do I have to lose.
We went mini golfing and then had a coffee. It was no special than any other date I had been on but I didn't really know much about her and getting to know her was fun. We shared a lot of interests outside theater, like music and cartoons and costuming.
At the end of our date, I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do next - pursue something or not. However, it was clear we both had had fun that day.
More on what happened next in the next post.
I had met someone nice on it who had just moved to My City looking to make new friends. We hung out a bit and I brought her to the theater yo see some shows.
I was deliberately not trying to want to date someone so I was happy to be becoming friendly with a female without wanting to date her. Although secretly I would have if it went that way.
Meanwhile, out of the blue I get a Facebook message from Katie asking if I'd want to go mini golfing. I was interested in going and thought my new friend would enjoy coming to meet new people. So I asked Katie if it would be on if she tagged along.
Now I didn't read the message properly. I thought she was asking me to join a group activity with others. So needless to say I was surprised when wrote back saying she mustn't had been clear enough - SHE WAS ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE.
I reread the message. No she was clear. I was just an idiot.
I thought about it for a while. Although I didn't feel a huge attraction at first, I figured what do I have to lose.
We went mini golfing and then had a coffee. It was no special than any other date I had been on but I didn't really know much about her and getting to know her was fun. We shared a lot of interests outside theater, like music and cartoons and costuming.
At the end of our date, I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do next - pursue something or not. However, it was clear we both had had fun that day.
More on what happened next in the next post.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
How We Met
To keep this blog as anonymous as possible, I'm going to call my ex girlfriend Katie.
As mentioned in the previous post, we met at theater school. It's an amateur theater school composed of people performing on stage for fun. Most people are aged 20-40 and are students or young professionals in fields having nothing to do with theater.
I have been attending the theater for the past few years and she joined maybe a couple of years ago.
We would see each in passing, at each other's shows or at the various parties held at the theater.
In the past I would probably have a crush on some one and obsess over them and try to make them want to date me. More than once this has backfired. Remember, I'm the Late Date Bloomer. I started late and still have no idea what I'm doing.
After a string of false starts over a couple of years (you can read about in on this blog) I was finally at a phase where I wasn't pursuing anyone and just enjoying life by myself.
A thing that kept happening at one point was after seeing a show that Katie was a part of, I would get a Facebook message thanking me for coming. We also started chatting a bit at the theater between or after shows.
I couldn't tell what the messages meant but I would find myself trying to decide if I found her attractive (not just physically) and if I wanted to make a move.
I never did. Katie did.
More on that next post.
As mentioned in the previous post, we met at theater school. It's an amateur theater school composed of people performing on stage for fun. Most people are aged 20-40 and are students or young professionals in fields having nothing to do with theater.
I have been attending the theater for the past few years and she joined maybe a couple of years ago.
We would see each in passing, at each other's shows or at the various parties held at the theater.
In the past I would probably have a crush on some one and obsess over them and try to make them want to date me. More than once this has backfired. Remember, I'm the Late Date Bloomer. I started late and still have no idea what I'm doing.
After a string of false starts over a couple of years (you can read about in on this blog) I was finally at a phase where I wasn't pursuing anyone and just enjoying life by myself.
A thing that kept happening at one point was after seeing a show that Katie was a part of, I would get a Facebook message thanking me for coming. We also started chatting a bit at the theater between or after shows.
I couldn't tell what the messages meant but I would find myself trying to decide if I found her attractive (not just physically) and if I wanted to make a move.
I never did. Katie did.
More on that next post.
Here we go again
It's been a long time since I wrote on this blog. I doubt anyone is still subscribed to it but the point has always been to use it as a tool to get things off my chest.
I originally started this blog to get over the breakup from my first girlfriend. Now I'm trying it again.
I dated someone for 9 months, from September to May 2014. The first few months were great then it got real shitty the last 2 months. She broke up with me but I could have done it myself. I just didn't.
Thankfully she was out of town for 3 months not long after we broke up so this past summer I was able to enjoy myself barely thinking about her.
She came back at the end of summer. We met through the same hobby. We are both students of a theater school and are part of the theater community. We know a lot of the same people and attend a lot of the same shows. So now that she's back it's impossible not to see her. And knowing she's back makes it feels impossible not to think about her. Everything had just flooded back in my head and it's hard to shake it.
I've already talked about things with multiple people and it's been many months since we broke up that you'd think I'd be totally over it, but yet I'm not. I wasn't even enjoying my time with her towards the end, so what gives, why so stuck on the past?
I'm hoping if I reflect through everything both good and bad in great detail one last time, then I can finally give up thinking/worrying about it and move on.
This would be one extremely long post otherwise, so I'm going to break it down, pretty much in the order it just comes out of my head. So expect a bunch of posts to follow.
I originally started this blog to get over the breakup from my first girlfriend. Now I'm trying it again.
I dated someone for 9 months, from September to May 2014. The first few months were great then it got real shitty the last 2 months. She broke up with me but I could have done it myself. I just didn't.
Thankfully she was out of town for 3 months not long after we broke up so this past summer I was able to enjoy myself barely thinking about her.
She came back at the end of summer. We met through the same hobby. We are both students of a theater school and are part of the theater community. We know a lot of the same people and attend a lot of the same shows. So now that she's back it's impossible not to see her. And knowing she's back makes it feels impossible not to think about her. Everything had just flooded back in my head and it's hard to shake it.
I've already talked about things with multiple people and it's been many months since we broke up that you'd think I'd be totally over it, but yet I'm not. I wasn't even enjoying my time with her towards the end, so what gives, why so stuck on the past?
I'm hoping if I reflect through everything both good and bad in great detail one last time, then I can finally give up thinking/worrying about it and move on.
This would be one extremely long post otherwise, so I'm going to break it down, pretty much in the order it just comes out of my head. So expect a bunch of posts to follow.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Re-evaluation
In my early twenties I barely dated. Now in my early thirties (I'm 30 on the dot) Im all over the place.
I went from maybe a date every 6 months to about 20 in the past year (all with different girls).
And now, for the past 2 weeks I've been dating 2 girls. Well sort of.
Two weeks ago I went to a loft party and met a girl. I'll call her Nadine.
We talked for a bit and then exchanged numbers. We ended up going on two dates. Both resulting with a kiss at the end.
Meanwhile, prior to meeting Nadine, I was set up through a matchmaking service with someone. Ill call her Star. We spent about a week trying to find a time we could meet. We settle in a day the same week. We also went on two dates. No kisses.
I swear I didn't arrange this on purpose and in fact hated the situation. I felt like I had to choose. In the end I just kept thinking of reason why not to date either of them.
Nadine seems nice but I kept struggling if I was attracted to her.
The combination of that and the fact she was really really into me just made me think it best not to lead her on.
Meanwhile, Star is a lot prettier than Nadine but my problem with her is that she is very conservative. I like tongi out and e social and do a lot of different things and I just don't see her on the same page.
I've literally been worrying about what I want and what's going in in my head all week. So I just had to do something and ended up telling Nadine it wasnt going to work out.
In the past there was a girl into me that I wasn't into a all and told her it wasn't going to work out via text. I felt like an ass do this time I said to myself id do it on the phone.
Most awkward conversation ever. I felt horrible.
She texted me to call her and I did and we chatted and all was well. Then I hinted Id be too busy to hang out son and that got her suspicious. So I just admitted I was stressing a lot about stuff and that I'm not in the right mind to date anyone right now.
I hate it but I told her the it's not you it's me speech. That wasn't enough and she wanted to know why I've been stressed. She admitted she hasn't dated in a long time and really liked me. Just made me feel worse. Then I ended with "have a nice weekend"
She just sounded devastated. I feel terrible that I'm sure I ruined her day. On the other hand, we went on TWO dates. Imagine if I kept dating her not really into it and then broke it off in a month or two?
It's shitty but these things happen. I've been on the other end before. I jus wonder if talking about it was the right thing to do it should I have just let things fizzle out.
Now I just need to figure out how to tell Star I'm not interested in her.
But i think I'll wait a few days.
I went from maybe a date every 6 months to about 20 in the past year (all with different girls).
And now, for the past 2 weeks I've been dating 2 girls. Well sort of.
Two weeks ago I went to a loft party and met a girl. I'll call her Nadine.
We talked for a bit and then exchanged numbers. We ended up going on two dates. Both resulting with a kiss at the end.
Meanwhile, prior to meeting Nadine, I was set up through a matchmaking service with someone. Ill call her Star. We spent about a week trying to find a time we could meet. We settle in a day the same week. We also went on two dates. No kisses.
I swear I didn't arrange this on purpose and in fact hated the situation. I felt like I had to choose. In the end I just kept thinking of reason why not to date either of them.
Nadine seems nice but I kept struggling if I was attracted to her.
The combination of that and the fact she was really really into me just made me think it best not to lead her on.
Meanwhile, Star is a lot prettier than Nadine but my problem with her is that she is very conservative. I like tongi out and e social and do a lot of different things and I just don't see her on the same page.
I've literally been worrying about what I want and what's going in in my head all week. So I just had to do something and ended up telling Nadine it wasnt going to work out.
In the past there was a girl into me that I wasn't into a all and told her it wasn't going to work out via text. I felt like an ass do this time I said to myself id do it on the phone.
Most awkward conversation ever. I felt horrible.
She texted me to call her and I did and we chatted and all was well. Then I hinted Id be too busy to hang out son and that got her suspicious. So I just admitted I was stressing a lot about stuff and that I'm not in the right mind to date anyone right now.
I hate it but I told her the it's not you it's me speech. That wasn't enough and she wanted to know why I've been stressed. She admitted she hasn't dated in a long time and really liked me. Just made me feel worse. Then I ended with "have a nice weekend"
She just sounded devastated. I feel terrible that I'm sure I ruined her day. On the other hand, we went on TWO dates. Imagine if I kept dating her not really into it and then broke it off in a month or two?
It's shitty but these things happen. I've been on the other end before. I jus wonder if talking about it was the right thing to do it should I have just let things fizzle out.
Now I just need to figure out how to tell Star I'm not interested in her.
But i think I'll wait a few days.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Random
Name: Random Girl
First contact: Technically over a year ago but reconnected 2 weeks ago.
How'd we meet: Ok Cupid!.
The situation:
Was chilling in my room waiting for my brother to arrive when my phone beeped to inform me I got a message from Ok Cupid. It just said "what are you doing tonight?"
The message was from a girl I'd tried to contact online over a year ago with no answer. Apparently now she had a date that cancelled and was trying to find a replacement.
Told her I was busy but we ended up playing text tag for about a week. She'd text me randomly to see if I was free. We finally met but only for about 30 minutes due to the fact it was late and I had to work the next day.
After several failed attempts of arranging a second date, she randomly texted me to see if I was free that night and we went to a comedy show.
We chatted over coffee first and it went well. At the club she mostly talked to her friend she knew in the show and when it started she directed me to sit on a couch with her.
After a whole, being so close, out hands touched and we started playing "handsies".
After the show I walked her to the subway.
The dealbreaker: As mentioned in my last post, this was the date I thought went well but afraid I came off too strong.
3 days after date 2 I texted get since last minute my plans for cancelled and she seemed like the best choice for a last minute meet up. However, her reply was "I'm going on a date tonight" and "I'm not looking to date anyone exclusively".
I was fine with that and asked if we could still hang out and she said yes.
Needless to say, the random texts stopped coming.
First contact: Technically over a year ago but reconnected 2 weeks ago.
How'd we meet: Ok Cupid!.
The situation:
Was chilling in my room waiting for my brother to arrive when my phone beeped to inform me I got a message from Ok Cupid. It just said "what are you doing tonight?"
The message was from a girl I'd tried to contact online over a year ago with no answer. Apparently now she had a date that cancelled and was trying to find a replacement.
Told her I was busy but we ended up playing text tag for about a week. She'd text me randomly to see if I was free. We finally met but only for about 30 minutes due to the fact it was late and I had to work the next day.
After several failed attempts of arranging a second date, she randomly texted me to see if I was free that night and we went to a comedy show.
We chatted over coffee first and it went well. At the club she mostly talked to her friend she knew in the show and when it started she directed me to sit on a couch with her.
After a whole, being so close, out hands touched and we started playing "handsies".
After the show I walked her to the subway.
The dealbreaker: As mentioned in my last post, this was the date I thought went well but afraid I came off too strong.
3 days after date 2 I texted get since last minute my plans for cancelled and she seemed like the best choice for a last minute meet up. However, her reply was "I'm going on a date tonight" and "I'm not looking to date anyone exclusively".
I was fine with that and asked if we could still hang out and she said yes.
Needless to say, the random texts stopped coming.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Chivalry Vs. Creepy
So yeah, my little plan of posting hilarious dates on here all the time has failed. I just have no motivation to keep this blog going.
I've been extremely busy lately performing in shows and working hard. Spending 30-60min typing up a date I went on 1 year ago just doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would.
In any case, I'm writing now because the whole reason I started this blog was to express my thoughts on my dating experience and maybe even get some advice back (although having people who actually read this blog would help). And now I'm curious about something.
I believe in the old school of thought and, according to my female friends, I'm one of the few guys they know that act like a true gentleman.
I hold doors open, offer sweaters if cold, let old ladies have my seat on the bus, etc.
However, I've noticed on several occasions with different girls, especially on first dates where they don't know me yet, they get thrown off by my chivalry.
Take for example last night. Was on a date with a girl I met online. It was our second time meeting and we saw a comedy show. I thought it went well.
After the show I walked her to the subway and then she had to go in while I had to take a bus.
Since my bus was actually a block away and I could have easily walked underground to take it, I offered her to walk her to the subway turnstiles.
She looked a bit thrown off and said "no that's ok, let's say out goodbyes here".
So after that encounter, I felt like I came off more needy than gentleman like, and it sucks!
It's happen multiple times. I thought Girls like that stuff but I feel sometimes they misinterpret it. I'm sure a couple of times I never heard back from them because it felt like I was coming off strong.
So I wonder if although my intentions are for good, it may be overkill.
Ladies, what do you think?
I've been extremely busy lately performing in shows and working hard. Spending 30-60min typing up a date I went on 1 year ago just doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would.
In any case, I'm writing now because the whole reason I started this blog was to express my thoughts on my dating experience and maybe even get some advice back (although having people who actually read this blog would help). And now I'm curious about something.
I believe in the old school of thought and, according to my female friends, I'm one of the few guys they know that act like a true gentleman.
I hold doors open, offer sweaters if cold, let old ladies have my seat on the bus, etc.
However, I've noticed on several occasions with different girls, especially on first dates where they don't know me yet, they get thrown off by my chivalry.
Take for example last night. Was on a date with a girl I met online. It was our second time meeting and we saw a comedy show. I thought it went well.
After the show I walked her to the subway and then she had to go in while I had to take a bus.
Since my bus was actually a block away and I could have easily walked underground to take it, I offered her to walk her to the subway turnstiles.
She looked a bit thrown off and said "no that's ok, let's say out goodbyes here".
So after that encounter, I felt like I came off more needy than gentleman like, and it sucks!
It's happen multiple times. I thought Girls like that stuff but I feel sometimes they misinterpret it. I'm sure a couple of times I never heard back from them because it felt like I was coming off strong.
So I wonder if although my intentions are for good, it may be overkill.
Ladies, what do you think?
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