It's done

It's 4am and I'm exhausted. I just sent Wendy an e-mail. I know what you're thinking, that it was really lame and chicken to send it by e-mail but I gave it a lot of thought and it made most sense to me.

I hadn't spoken to Wendy in 5 days. For me to just call her out of the blue just to tell her I don't want to talk to her anymore (for a while at least), made no sense to me. plus, I felt this way I could express myself properly and not leave anything out.

I'm not sure if I made the best decision or if I wrote a good e-mail but I did this and it's over with. I know it'll take me a while until i can move on but it's something I'm going to have to deal with.

In the end I think it's better to do this than just let it drag on because i"m scarred or inconvenienced to end things properly.

I included my e-mail below:

Hey,
It's 3:00am and I can't sleep. I didn't want to do this by e-mail but I feel it's the only way I can express all my thoughts properly.

This whole past week has been stressful. I've been working very late hours everyday, not sleeping very well and letting my mind waver all over the place.
In turn, I've been thinking real long and hard about us.

I kind of mentioned it before but I have to tell the whole truth - I hate this situation we're in. I hate that we're in limbo. When we broke up, this is what I wanted to avoid but let it happen anyways. When we broke up, I gave it a lot of thought, I really did, and decided that we may have broken up too soon and could have given it another shot. I called you back right away and tried to "fix" things. I thought we could work things out slow and then get back together.

It's been two months and nothing has changed. You still seem unsure about things. I feel horrible that at first I was almost pushing you to make a decision and now after a lot of thinking have come up with my own decision. I realized recently that I've been trying so hard to fix things that I never gave it a lot of thought of how things would be if we did get back together. The few times i did, I got scared and only thought of the things I disliked when we were a couple. I have a lot of feelings for you still and I really enjoyed being with you for those 10 months but near the end we both knew something was wrong. I'm afraid I might want to get back together for all the wrong reasons and that would make things even worse.

As hard as it is for me to say this, I decided I need to be alone for a while. I'm not saying I never want to see you again. I truly would want nothing more than for us to be friends. I know that you have remained close friends with multiple guys you've dated in the past, but for a while I'm going to need some distance.

You were my first girlfriend and you still mean a lot to me. I experienced many things I haven't before with anyone else and am glad I got to experience them with you.

I hope you won't hate me for this and all the back and forth nonsense I put you through these past couple of months, and that somewhere down the road we can stay in touch.

Elwood