In retrospect, my relationship with Katie wasn't terrible, it's not like we were abusive or she cheated on me or I had an alcoholic problem or anything like that. But I feel I need to write this down and read all the things that bothered me in the relationship to:
a) acknowledge they existed.
b) which were caused by me so I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
c) realize that Katie wasn't perfect and not everything was my doing.
d) accept that even if we avoided all this it doesn't mean we would have stayed together and I can't go back in time so no point beating myself up and to just learn from it.
First I should talk about our communication. At first we both agreed to be honest with each other. I'm sad to admit I didn't keep that promise. When things bothered us we didn't talk about it right away.
We also set up this habit of never talking over the phone, only through texts. I felt that 9 months of texting didn't amount to much. I didn't get much out of our texting sessions because I would be doing something else at the same time instead of giving Katie my full attention.
But she didn't like talking on the phone. If I ever called it meant it had to be a problem or emergency, so if i was just calling out of the blue for fun, she'd sound worried or panicked on the phone.
I'm not saying we had to talk 3 hours a day but even 15 min of solid paying attention would have been healthier.
Actually the best would have been to just SEE each other and talk about ANYTHING. But that became a huge challenge.
More on that in the next post.
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