The Different Stages Of Recovery

As mentioned in the previous post I've been finding it hard not to think about Katie and the breakup and all kinds of things related to the whole situation since she returned back to My City.

I just don't understand the phases feelings I've been going through.

After a couple of very quick awkward interactions at the theater either after or before a show, I knew that she would be at a big party that was coming up, so I wrote to her. I just said it was good to see her again and that I valued our time together and I didn't want things to be weird between us and that I hope we could catch up at the party.

I sent her this message because I know that between then and when she moves away in January forever, it would be unavoidable to see her. We are both part of the same art community and have tons of mutual friends.

I also wanted to break the ice and see how she would respond. She did reply saying she appreciated the note and would like to catch up as well.

At the party we did chat a little but then she got distracted and had to attend to something.

With seeing her again and talking a little I've just been having a hard time getting over her.

I'd start to interpret what it all means. For example, first she wrote on my Facebook wall. But THEN she sent me a private message to show me something.

At a second party we talked a lot more. She even touched my arm!

She even invited me to get Halloween party. The night last year we had sex for the first time!

Surely it means something!

I have to keep telling myself it means nothing.

When we dated, I wrestled back and forth if I was truly attracted to her (I know, yet another good sign). She had gained a lot of weight from when we started dating. Being a very skinny guy who can't gain any weight, it started to become a big turn off.

Now all of sudden that feeling completely went away and I find myself attracted to her again all of a sudden.

I keep getting the feelings to show her how I've improved so much since we broke up. I hate to admit but part of me wanted to get back together.

None if this behavior makes sense! We dated. It wasn't working out. I wasn't so into it at the end. She treated me like garbage near the very end and we broke up. End of story!

So why do I secretly want to get back together with her?

It must be loneliness. I'm grabbing at the last thing that made me feel good (for a while anyways).