Part of my struggle to get over Katie isn't just that I think I still have feelings for her. Part of it is trying not to beat myself up for things I did (usually unintentional) that I feel affected the relationship. So to get them off my chest once and for all, I'm just going to admit the things I did and stop worrying about them. Here they are in no particular order:
- Not paying attention. This was a big one. Being busy, tired and sick all the time there were plenty of times I didn't give Katie my 100% attention.
- Complaining about bring sick or tired. This ties in with the last one. Sure it's ok to voice if you're tired or not happy to be sick but that was me ALL the time. I'd meet up with her and that would usually be the first thing out of my mouth. It really annoyed her after a while.
- The time I voted for another team and told her. I went to see her in a competition show. We watch groups perform and then vote for our favorite. Instead of voting for her team I voted for another I thought really deserved it. I KNOW NOW this was stupid and one should support their significant other but at the time I honestly thought she would have done the same thing. I personally don't like pity votes. Regardless I made things much worse by telling her. Boy was she not happy.
- Bringing work over to her apartment when I was invited to hang with with her friends. I had so much going on in one point it was either not see her another day (after many days not seeing her) or bring my laptop to send someone something that was due (freelance job). So I chose the latter. It was rude, I know but I really thought at the time I was making things work.
The time I was on my phone instead of talking to Katie. We hadn't seen each other for several days (yes again!) and the only time she had was when selling tickets at a show. Once the show started we just had to watch the door. I was desperately looking for an apartment at the time so I was multi tasking. She got upset I wasn't giving her my full attention. I still feel bad about that to this day.
Wow I feel better and crappy at the same time now. Crappy to recount shitty times but better knowing it wasn't all my fault and I can also learn from my mistakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment