It's been 3 day since Wendy and I broke up.
I keep thinking about it.
I keep talking about it. Trying to analyze everything. Looking for advice. Looking for answers.
It just feels all over whelming.
I'm now having doubts about what happened.
Most of the people I told seem to think that I made the right choice.
However, a good friend of mine, Body Builder (he works out) disagrees.
Body builder was out of town since before Christmas so he didn't know about anything that happened. He's a bit older than I am and really experienced with girls. He's dated a lot and is a bit of player although he doesn't promote that I be like him, he more gives me advice on a deep level, because he understands a lot.
He got really mad when I told him the whole story about Wendy and I breaking up. He told me that he can tell from what I've told him in the past that I must like her. He also said that it didn't matter that Wendy and I were too afraid to continue or not and that we should have used the night as a sign of a new start since we were bonding so well that night. If things were to have continued poorly than we would have known it wasn't meant to happen but now Wendy and I will never know.
Basically Body Builder spelled it out to me: She had her heart out at me, not sure if she wanted to get serious or not but still wanted something with me, and I was also unsure. So why end it?
Now my head really feels like mush.
I checked Facebook and saw that Wendy's profile says she's feeling really shitty for so many reasons.
I keep wanting to call her and see if she's ok, maybe even tell her we're making a mistake...
Sigh...
Worst of all I blame myself for feeling this way because I told so many people before I could think logically (which I don't think I'm still totally there). Now if I change my mind so many people will wonder why I'm doing the opposite of what I had told them earlier. I know I should care how people judge me but I feel a bit like a fool.
This whole thing is fucked up... why can't it feel so black and white, right and wrong?
1 comment:
You can't think about other people right now. Just do what's best for you. People break up, get back together and go through bumps all the time. Your friends will understand.. and they shouldn't be judging you anyway.
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