Spoke Too Soon

Since Monday, I've gotten really excited over Wendy again. I don't know why. I mean if you think about it, right after New Years, we were having problems and broke up. Then I was confused for several days and now I'm all gung ho to get back together with her. We had a great date on Monday and even kissed goodnight. I thought that meant we were getting back together.
Boy was I ever wrong.

I blame myself for getting too excited too fast. Lately I've been having new and exciting feelings for Wendy, the ones you get when you start a new relationship. This makes sense since if we are going to start over,and try to do things differently, then it is going to feel like anew relationship.

That's if we get back together...

I knew after what happened Monday that I needed to talk to Wendy about it to make sure we're on the same page. I don't think we quite are and I better be careful about things.

She's not sure what she wants. I figured out that just because we kissed again doesn't mean we're back together in her mind. I realized the more we talked that maybe I was wrong to think that myself. I guess I reacted too fast.

I asked her what was going on and she wasn't sure.

She saw it in my eyes t hat I really wanted to kiss her. I asked her if she regretted kissing me and she said no. She said if she didn't want to she would have told me. However, I'm not convinced she was hoping I'd kiss her as much as I thought. In turn, I may just be confusing her more.

I told her I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. When she asked me what page I was on, I didn't tell her "I want to get back together" because I didn't want to scare her off to quickly, but I did tell her that I was on the page as to how we've been handling things. Taking it slow and talking on the phone and try going out on some dates.

Basically Wendy isn't ready to say we're back together yet and wants to see how things go. That makes sense but for once I stood up and told that it's going to make things awkward not knowing what's really . She asked me why and said very sternly "So what? Now we're friends that kiss?". I could tell by her pause that she didn't like that too much.

Wendy then tells me that she's going to make she's sure not going to hurt me on purpose.

Oh yeah, that's a relief, thanks...

So what now, we'll continue this fake dating until she finds someone else and then tell me it's over? I'm pretty sure she won't do that but I don't know what's going on in her head.

I asked her if I had been more receptive the night we broke up if things would have been better. In other words, had I agreed to stay together when she was balling her eyes out telling me she didn't want to lose me. Wendy admitted that she was confused then as she is now.

I know what everyone reading this blog must be thinking: "Get out now! The longer we keep this up the more I'll get hurt in the end".

Thank you for your concern.

The way I see it, I may be trying to rush things a bit. I understand she wants to take things slow, as do I. It's just that I'd feel better knowing if it's to end up at the same goal.

I've decided the best things to do is see how things go for the next month. I'll continue to talk to her on the phone and see her on the weekends for a date. When the month is over, if I"m still into her as much as now, then I'm going to bring it up again and tell her I need to know whats going on. If she still gives me this "I'm confused" answer, then I'm going to stop seeing her.

I don't mean to sound like I'm putting Wendy down. Even though she's confused, I know she's trying.

We're talking a lot better and I'm not afraid to say stuff anymore. I told her straight up it'd be nice if she'd call me sometimes and make plans, since I was always the one calling her to go out. Also, I'm a member of a club where we get together every Saturday and play fun games. She told me she may come to the next meeting. Before she would never show interest to come and now she is.

So I just need to calm down a few steps and stick to my plan of taking things slow.

Wish me luck!