Living in Limbo

I've unfortunately had to pull in a whole weekend of overtime and haven't had a chance to write anything.

I'm actually exhausted right now and don't feel like dwelling on a whole story at the moment but thought it'd be a good time to recap a conversation I had with my brother Ira while he was driving me home from work earlier this evening.

He had asked how things went on Friday with Wendy. I've been really close to him lately, so he already knows everything that's been going on with Her and I the past couple of weeks.

I told him that the night went fine.

We hung out. We went to a book store and then a comedy show.

He asked me if it was "buddy-buddy". I don't think I would say it was buddy-buddy, per se. In the past I had a bad habit of touching Wendy a lot. Not touching her in a creepy way. I just mean stuff like holding her hand, stroking her neck etc. We were never really big on PDA. The most physical contact weld ever do in public was probably her sleeping on the bus with her head on my shoulder.

For the most part of the night, we had no physical contact at all. It felt different, but I think if we were to start over again, I'd try not to touch her as much. I think it took away from it by always having my hands on her somewhere, and not to contradict myself, but I started to feel creepy myself.

The only contact we had was when she laughed really hard at the show and rested her head on my shoulder for a couple of seconds.

Then Ira asked how the end of the night went.

I told him I dropped her off and told her that I've been thinking about us getting back together again and how she still sounded confused (as am I, so I don't blame her).

I also told him how we held hands and then she gave me a kiss tonight.

Ira asked me if I knew what would happen next.

I'm not sure what will happen next. I told Wendy that I didn't expect an answer overnight. I was thinking a lot this weekend and realized the ball is in her court.

I told her how I felt and it's now up to her to make a decision. I know that I really don't want to be the guy who starts pleading with her to get back together. Yes, I admit I've been confused lately, and yes I admit I wouldn't mind trying it again, but I truly believe I didn't do anything wrong to make me have to "win her heart back". So, if she's expecting that from me (which I highly doubt), she's not going to get it.

Also, I decided that I wouldn't call her. That I'd wait and see if she'd call me.

I told Ira that if she calls me and we talk about it and she doesn't want to continue than I 'll be fine with that since I can't force someone into something they don't want.

Then, I was about to say what I'd do if she called me but didn't bring it up, when he cut me off and said "then you'll just assume you're back together again?"

I was like "what?! NO!"

I think that is a terrible thing to think. What I was going to say was that I'd give it a little time, and although I'd like things to turn out for us, I don't want to sit and wait forever for her to make a decision and that it's important to keep track of time and know when to move on if need be.

To just assume I'm going out with her has got to be the worst decision to ever make. That would definitely cause the most heartache because If I was under that assumption but she had moved on and didn't tell me, then one day I'd find out she'd met someone new and I"d still be trying to get her rather than meet new people.

That is definitely something I'm looking to avoid.

As side note, she did call me tonight.

We had a nice long chat about nothing in particular.

Already we're talking like old times.

So the clock has started ticking. I have to make sure I keep track of where we go from her so as not to get her or disappointed if we're not going in the direction I think we are going.

Also, I noticed I stopped saying "sweet dreams" before hanging up. It's not that I wish her nasty nightmares. I guess I just want to see if she notices.